Judge, 1902-09-27 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 27, 1902 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge's style: **"A Simple Thing"** mocks popular nutrition advice by contrasting scientific terminology (proteids, hydro-carbons) with ordinary eating habits. The London Lancet quote ironically complicates simple eating with pseudo-scientific jargon about being "temperamentally anabolic or katobolic." **"Where He Stood"** is a brief comic dialogue where a street urchin ("Chimmie") declines candy but boasts about training to fight "Mickey Welsh" and challenges someone to buy him a three-pound porterhouse steak—satirizing working-class child culture and appetites. **"The Mistaken Anemometer"** (by H.G. Wells) is a moral fable where a weather instrument mistakes itself for causing wind, learning humility when a breeze proves it's merely a tool. It satirizes human arrogance. Minor pieces include "A Genius" (Yiddish-accented immigrant humor about a child selling newspapers) and "He Had No Right to Think" (mocking theological literalism about Cain's weapon). The page reflects Judge's blend of social satire, educational mockery, and period dialect humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INDEED, there is really noth- ing abstruse about the ques- tion of nutrition, usually deemed. beyond the power of the man with the appe- tite to solve on scientific principles. He simply eats what he likes and as much as he wishes, provided he can get it, instead of inves- tigating the subject of pro- teids, hydro-carbons, and other commodities. Bat if you want to know how de- lightfully simple the whole thing is just listen to what the London Lancet has to say on the subject : “Ifyou desire to know how much you ought to eat Freeenen per diem you* must first de- ms Gell ij nies ai sree. tee : seer IND Laby—'* Would you like a stick of candy, little boy 2"" , termine whether-you are temperamentally ana Cuisemie—"* Nit] I'm in trainin’ ter lick Mickey Welsh nex’ week: but if yer want ter blow yer- bolic or katobolic. Then, taking into account self toa t'ree-pound porterhouse, w'y, I'm on.”” THE MISTAKEN ANEMOMETER. LITTLE anemometer On the weather-bureau high Was set to measure off the wind That whistled through the sky. As the wind blew hard or the wind blew soft, So swift he turned or slow, And just the number of miles an hour His dial-plate would show. But the little anemometer On the weathe purean tall Decided, very innocent, "Twas Ae that did it all. So when the wind blew a hurricane— “I'm a terrible fellow ! he cried ; And when the wind was a + I'm too tired to blow, zephyr mild— he sighed. Until one melancholy day A little breeze, in fun, And so that it learned that the heavens work On an independent plan, A GENIUS. And it grew to be a modest machine * Dot five-year-old Jakey ohf miue vill some day be a vonder in der beesness vorld. Vhy, ven | Ain casd ts Be like a Gal, come home nights he vas never happy till he takes my evening paper out on der shtreet und sells it ee = =r gona ; AMos R, WELLS. your age, sex, size, the amount of exercise you get, and the temperature of the atmosphere, | you should calculate the . 5 . ? : amount of food necessary to maintain the minimum weight of the boidy consistent with the best health of which you are capable.” Just bear these few details in mind next time you hear the dinner-bell ring. WILLIAM HENRY SIVETER, HE HAD NO RIGHT TO THINK. First theologian—* Why did they oust Gunbusta ?” Second theologian—" Be- cause he said he thought Cain aoe, : : 4 ‘S 1 slew Abel with a golf-club.” . f PS \ Smith—“| hear that Big- | head had an accident. Was it i serious?” Brown —"Oh, no; not worth noticing, unless one had an accident policy.” FOR MOTHERS. Voice (from the hold)—** Noah, are the children all right?” Noat—"' Yep; they are not in any trouble.”” comicbooks.com