Judge, 1902-09-13 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 13, 1902 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"The Real Thing"** depicts a painter boasting he "paints for gold"—mocking artists who claim noble artistic motives while actually pursuing profit. **"A Natural Tooter"** satirizes romantic notions of Native Americans as "noble savages." A visitor deflates the pretense by noting the depicted man is simply drunk ("on a toot"), revealing the hypocrisy of such idealizing descriptions. **"Rival Gossiping Circles"** humorously suggests gossip spreads equally through women's sewing circles and men's card games—poking fun at both genders' social habits. **"Two Hours Under the Chestnut-Tree"** contrasts romantic poetry with reality: a city man's idealized meditation on nature (Hour One) becomes an insect-tormented nightmare (Hour Two), mocking sentimental nature writing. The remaining pieces are light observational humor about portraits, love, and pranks—typical Judge fare with no specific political reference.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE REAL THING. Abb tay tong 1 paint: my best, e I paint the pull- wy iQaeew yy x Et on the oY y bough, 1 paint the bull, 1 paint the cow 5 1 paint the deg, I paint the cat; T paint the hog That's big and fat ; And that is why With joy I wipe My mouth and sigh And smoke my pipe And sip my beer And eat my cake And cheer and cheer ' Until T ache = And bhw-wow-wow = In bliss untold— “7 Ob, J-know how Te paint for gold. A NATURAL TOOTER. se THIS." we'explain to the visit- or from‘abroad as we pilot him across the great plains, «is ; an untutored savage—one of the last remnants of that noble race which"—— * intutored, do you say 2” interrupts the visitor. "Yes." “ But he doesn’t seem to need tutoring,” continues the visitor with a London-funny-paper accent. “It seems to me he is more of a tooter than anything else. See, he is obviously on-a toot right now.” So saying, he returns to the train, while we ponder over the inner meaning of his bon-mot. RIVAL GOSSIPING CIRCLES. Mrs, Subbubs—* Well, where did that bit of gossip come from— from the sewing-circle Mrs. Baklots—" No, indeed. It came from my husband's whist- club on the six-thirty-five.” THOSE DEAR GIRLS. Mapoe— Why is she having her portrait painted ?"* Marsoriz—'' She has reached that age when she doesn't look well in a photograph. * Wir Fietomouse—" Say, ma, those Frog boys who live down In the pond are always hanging cans on my fish-line.” ly Wy MY A BUGVILLE PRANK. ‘THE FACE OF NATURE, 64]S IT not soothing,” asked the fair young thing, “to sit here and gaze upon the face of nature ?” “Yes,” answered the mere man, “Dear old Nature !" resumed the fair young thing. Her face is ever fair and fresh. She ever has a smile for us all, and we know that her face is unsullied and untouched by the artifice of fashion.” “Well,” remarked the mere man, “I don’t know that I ever heard of the artifices of fashion requiring that two colored men’ and.a.hay mule go over the face of humanity with a two-ton roller every week.” SHE KNEW THE SYMPTOMS. He— If Uhad never been in love before how would I have known what ailed me ?”* She—"1 would have told you.” TWO HOURS UNDER THE CHESTNUT-TREE. (By a city man.) HOUR THE FIRST. ‘ No: heaven shield the chestnut- tree. ‘Neath which I lie #0 cuzily— A thousand sammers may it see! The bright flies swim before me, ie ‘The squirrels chatter o'er me, ‘The birds their lyrics sing me, ‘The flowers their odors fling me, ‘The grasses soft delight me,” And elves in dew-cups plight me, Here, as Lie So happily, And dream beneath the chestnut-tree. HOUR THE SECOND. The foul fiends take the chestnut-tree "Neath which I lie so lazily— ‘Their black-pit kindlings may it be! For ants are walking o'er me, And spiders hang before me, And bright black flies do nip me, And striped mosquitoes sip me, g And nameless things affright me, While wasps and hornets fight me, Black beetles pinch and bite me, And blistering sunbeams smite me, Here as I lie And vainly try To doze beneath the chestnut-tree. DANSKE DAXDRIDGE. comicbooks.com