Judge, 1902-08-09 · page 8 of 20
Judge — August 9, 1902 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical story mocks both police incompetence and perverse incentives. A thrifty man loses his coal-mine to a persistent thief and posts a $5 reward for recovery. Police and detectives do nothing—no arrest is made. When he complains to a friend, the friend suggests the thief offered the *police* $10 to *not* find him, thus encouraging the authorities' laziness through counter-incentive. The moral: "Liberality should be encouraged"—but the joke's real target is the corruption or indifference of police forces, who apparently valued bribes over their duty. The page also contains lighter humor: jokes about newfound wealth, nostalgia for harsh winters, a woman's bathing dress, and women's golf skills. The racist slur in "Last-Winter News" reflects the era's crude sensibilities typical of period satire magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Me, THRIFTY man who had lost a coal-mine through the thieving habits of a persist- ent collector of curios and valuables de- sired to regain his property; so he de- cided to offer a reward for the return of the stolen article. Forthwith he made public the offer of five dollars for the recovery of his coal- mine and the apprehension of the thief. “1 will make that thief wish that he had stolen something less bulky,” de- clared the man,“ Wait until the police, ae eeecivep eed lie parece train PN Pistia ave offered and that Feyvep Facin—"* Gosh! yer look faded. Wuz de lady cleanin’ house?” thief with the coal-mine will be dragged © Weary Witte (gasping)—‘* Well, do I look like she wuz reading a book uv love- out into public view and made to dis- ‘poems or entertainin’ de minister?" gorge. I will not only secure possession of my property, but I will discourage all other forms of thieves t AN ACQUIRED TASTE. Time passed. So did the policemen and detectives. No arrest ++} [AVE the Newriches changed much since they became wealthy ?” was made and the reward was not claimed. “Yes; they now eat everything out of season.” LAST-WINTER NEWS. WISH that I was where I was six months ago, Reading forecast weather— “ To-day look out for snow." AND THESE : “ Blizzard in New England,” « Mercury out of sight “Trains in drifts near Denver,” “+ Niagara froze up tight.” Tee-gorge in the Ohio," “+ Wires all down with sleet “ Coldest day of the season, “ Cars snowbound in the street.” “+ Froze to death in Bismarck,” ‘+ Lost in an avalanche “ Hungry mountainclions “ Raid a frozen ranch.” “Old man's cars get icy,” « Frost nips an old maid's nose"; “ Snow-ball killed a nigger, + Rhinoceros froze his tocs.”” Oh, fur some such reading To greet the eye to-day ! Oh, for «A cold wave coming ; Get out your girl and sleigh !” ras LIKE MANY POEMS. Mrs, Benkam—" This new bathing-dress of mine is a : INTELLIGENT. Mrs. Meppers— They say he's going tew marry Sal Perkins fer her lapd."” Mx, Meppers—" That shows he's smart. Mrs. Mepoers— ; «Well, it’s unfit ‘Oh, yes; he knows a lot—when he sees it.”’ | Then the man who had lost the coal-mine bemoaned his fate and complaimed bitter- ly toa friend. He told his tale of woe and then asked, « Why this apathy on the part of those to whom my offer “of reward was addressed ?” “Perhaps,” suggested the | friend, “the geezer who stole the coal-mine was more liberal than you and offered-a reward of ten dollars to the policeman who failed to find him.” Moral—Liberality should Mrs. Hobb—“ The moths have gotten into my bathing- suit.” Hobb— Dieting 2” QUITE UNNECESSAY. “ Gladys says she doesn't believe in luck." “She doesn't have to, She can beat any other girl on the links without half trying.") comicbooks.com