Judge, 1902-07-26 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 26, 1902 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces targeting early-1900s American society: **"Ye Summer Maid"** mocks women's selective modesty—a woman screams over a crab pinching her toe but silently tolerates a lobster's embrace, suggesting hypocrisy about propriety. **"Uncle Hezekiah on Golf"** features a rural philosopher dismissing golf as neither ancient nor royal, satirizing the upper-class adoption of this imported sport as pretentious. **"Still Open"** jokes darkly about New York's marriage-license office remaining operational despite prohibition on "games of chance"—equating marriage to gambling. **"Knew His Business"** exposes philanthropic fraud: a beggar deliberately performs poverty before a reporter to manipulate a millionaire into public charity, revealing how wealthy men perform generosity for press coverage rather than genuine compassion. **"The Taylor-Made Girl"** (bottom) implies a society woman's decade-long marriage succeeded *because* they had no children—a sharp critique of contemporary attitudes toward marriage and motherhood among the wealthy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
YE SUMMER MAID. SHE ventured in the briny deep A little while ago And yelled for murder, fire, police !— A crab had pinched her tue. And though at that momentous time Her screams were plainly heard, Yet when a lobster squeezed her waist She didn’t say a word. MCLANDEURGH WiLSom. UNCLE HEZEKIAH ON GOLF. 46] DON’T see why they call golf a royal and ancient game,” remarked the Cohoes philosopher, drenching a protuberant nail on the post-office veranda with a well- aimed expectoration. “1 never hearn tell of it till two months ago, an‘ my folks hez lived right in this here county fer sixty years. An’ as fer its bein’ royal —it ain't played in no court, like tennis—I don't see where thet comes in. An’ if it is, it's agin the constitu- tion an’ the fl IT WAS OLD. $4 CONFOUND it!” growls the testy husband, “I'd like to know what has become of that bottle of whiskey I kept in my wardrobe.” “Why, Henry,” says the pa- tient wife, “I heard you tell Mr. Gooph that it was fifteen years old ; so when I was collecting all our old things for the church rummage-sale I sent that along too." ‘Sue—'' | suppose games of chance are absolutely prohibited now in New York city He—" Oh, no. STILL OPEN. ‘The marriage-license office is still running ‘ wide open.’ THE TAYLOR-MADE GIRL. Eyrst society woman—‘ Theirs has been a very happy marriage, hasn't it?"” ‘SECOND SociETY WOMAN KNEW HIS BUSINESS. 66 QO, NO!" says the multi-mil- lionaire to the poor but crafty beggar; “I will give you nothing.” « Boss,” suggests the beggar with a rare smile, “do you see that young fellow watching us from that doorway ? “Yes. What of it?” “Well, he’s a reporter for the Daily Whoop, and he's out gath- ering material for an article on ‘the unknown charities of our famous men.'* “Tut, tut, my poor fellow !* says the multi-millionaire loudly. « Nothing to eat since yesterday 2” still more loudly. “Here is five dollars! Take it and get a sguare meal and then come and let me know what you need to put you on your feet!" As the multi-millionaire struts proudly away, glowing with the consciousness of having done a good deed at the time to secure proper notice, the poor beggar joins the young man in the door- way, and they shake hands long and silently over the success of their idea. IN A. D. 1905, Mrs. Uptodate (to maid)— “Marie, you need not set out the capsules for Mr. Uptodate’s din- ner. I have received a Marconi- gram that he will not be home un- til ten o'clock, as his Santos-Du- montobile has had a breakdown.” ~Oh, yes. They've lived togetl.er ten years and have had no children.”* comicbooks.com