Judge, 1902-07-26 · page 10 of 16
Judge — July 26, 1902 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"A Gilt-Edged Outlook"** mocks a farmer who believes growing vegetables will make him a millionaire—satirizing unrealistic economic fantasies and get-rich-quick thinking. **"Mosquito-Pong in Jersey"** jokes that mosquitoes are so prevalent in New Jersey that residents use ping-pong paddles to swat them instead of playing the game. **"Watermelon on Judgment Day"** uses dialect humor (common but problematic for modern readers) depicting an African American imagining heaven, where watermelon abundance determines social status even in the afterlife—reflecting both period stereotypes and class commentary. **"Not Necessary"** is a brief joke about a man not needing a chaperone to take a woman to theater because she doesn't know him well enough to care about propriety. **"Met Their Fate"** and **"An Exciting Tale"** are boarding-house jokes about terrible meals and hay fever, reflecting common period anxieties about boarding establishments. The humor relies on exaggeration, class anxiety, and stereotypes typical of Judge magazine's satirical approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A GILT-EDGED OUTLOOK. HE crops are all o. ke; They're comin’ mighty fine, An’ with the millionaire I'll shortly be in line. The cabbage an’ the squash, ‘The turnip an’ the bean, Just bust to beat the band An’ make the future green. Oh, soon ll find that they Are just as good as wheat, An’ sell them for the price They're gettin’ now fer meat. An’ then a millionaire Tl caper, don’t you know, An’ hang forever up The shovel an’ the hoe. MOSQUITO-PONG IN JERSEY. NEITHER a reputation nora fence can be strengthened 4, Jercyite and family have tired of ping-pong, but they still find the ping-pong bats very by whitewash useful WATERMELON ON JUDG- MENT DAY. (CAMP-MEETIN’ time am comin’ I's gwine ter shet mah eye Wren I go froo dat million-patch Ter mansions in de sky. T low mah mouf ‘Il open wide— Dar am no udder way W'en Ia watahmillion smell | Gwine up ter jedgment day. | I see de char-riet rollin’ by { Up de celestial pike An’ Peter comin’ down de way Ter meet it on his bike, Whuffo? Bekase de char-riet man Got millions fum de patch. He cut one fo' ole Peter, an’ | Ole Peter rise de latch. Sea Neyer He smile an' say, “Drive inj yo" got { Whad maike de right ob way. NOT NECESSARY. De watahmillion pass yo’ by “1 want to ask Miss Pittston to go to the theatre with me. Do you suppose she will want a chaperon ?”" Dis gate on jedgment day.” “Oh, no; she doesn’t know you well enough for that.”” rm Cueverron. Dasnaway- MET THEIR FATE. St ARE you ready?” asked the first man, “Tam,” came the answer Fary Gren ma firm tone. ; saes “Then come. We may as well know the worst.” Closing the door behind them, they resolutely descended the stairs, When they rose from the boarding-house table, however, they agreed that the meal had been no worse than usual. AN EXCITING TALE. +6 AS AN attraction and an it entertainment for my | guests,” said the summer land- i lord, “I have engaged the fa- } mous missionary lady to lec- | ture on ‘How I escaped from the brigands."" | “You might please them | more,” said the star boarder, eile Rabaal epee heats (who has th for his heat) ‘They aaee t place f le afflicted with hay-fever.” . MARLIE. come to the country for his "They say a great place for people ith hayfever. lecture on ‘How to escape Resipent—"" You bed it is. W'y, gol blame It! w'en I firsd gumb here, dwo years ago (sniffle), the doctors had gibben from the summer-hotel man.’ me ub. Now I'm gumbledely (sneeze) gured. comicbooks.com