Judge, 1901-12-07 · page 6 of 16
Judge — December 7, 1901 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire. **"The Lingering Thanksgiving"** (main poem with illustration) nostalgically describes a bountiful childhood Thanksgiving feast, then humorously shows how the family stretched the meal for an entire week—turkey cold, turkey soup, pig scraps, bones for broth—until the grandfather finally exclaims relief that Thanksgiving "has petered out at last." The joke satirizes both sentimental nostalgia and working-class food waste-prevention practices. The remaining items are brief jokes targeting contemporary stereotypes: **"Automobile"** jokes about wealthy husbands funding wives' cars; **Atlantic City** references resort pricing; **Einstein and "Zweistein"** use Yiddish-inflected speech patterns (common ethnic humor of the era) about billiards; **Jersey Note** mocks New Jersey agricultural innovation claims; and the final items use Jewish names with exaggerated accents to joke about life insurance and financial pragmatism—reflecting period attitudes toward immigrant communities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE LINGERING ‘THANKSGIVING. THANKSGIVIN' Dav! Thanksgivin’ Day! The day of all the ye Unless ‘twas Christmas, any- way—I still recall its cheer. Back through the maze of olden days Tlook to scenes I've known, And smack my lips to see the feast and hear the table groan, I sce my gran'pa sittin’ there, an’ watch his genial smile, With Angelina an’ my ma just beamin’ all the whi And, ob, that table was a sight to do the hungry good ! And, oh, we children squirmed and squirmed while gran’pa Messed the food ! Great big turkey on a platter, Brown and lusty, fat and fatter ; Sweet potatoes fried in butter ; Suckling piggie still a-sputter 5 Mince - pie, too, but lacking br Oh, that dinner was a dandy ! And, oh, my sister and myself strove both to dine and sup, nd ate and ate some more, and sighed to give it up. D ‘Thanks- Is that it was not finished quite for one full week at least. On Friday we had turkey cold and hash of suckling pig ; On Saturday we picked the bones, on them for meat to dig ; On Sunday we had turkey-soup, ‘on Monday giblet-stew; On Tuesday mother heaved a said the rest would For one more ration, for came of saving pedigree, And so about the board tried. an em masse fricassee. Turkey cold and ture key heated ; old again re Pig for breakfast, pig for dinner, Meanwhile getting thin and th Bones of pig key scrambled ; Shanks whercon the piggie gamboled ; Watery soup by tur- key shaded. So Thanksgivin’ fad- ed, faded, ‘Till gran‘pa heaved a sigh an’ said, his eyes on heaven cast “We're grateful that Thanks ¢! Day has petered out at last.” A.J. WATERHOUSE, if Gj a 4 "iil THE USUAL SOURCE. Epitt—** What is ‘ automobile’ derived from?" ~"*A rich husband, usually.”” | | AT ATLANTIC CITY. Count Pulaski — “1 want to get your rates.” Hotel - keeper—" Six a week and found, I think. The head waiter will be here in a minute.” WHY HE WAS RUINED. Actor—* Some one has stolen all my summer togs, and Lam ruined.” Bar - tender —" How does that ruin you 2” Actor —* Because it leaves me with nothing to hock to get my winter things out.” IN THE MOUNTAINS. Boniface —" What do you think of this grand elec- tric storm 2” Critic— Just a bit too tawdry and theatrical.” VHY IT Vos. Einstein—" You don't know de game vell enough to blay French billiards.” Zweistein—“1 don't blay pecause I likes der game; it vos pecause it ‘ed mit dree balls.” JOHNNY'S CONCLU- SION. Johnny—« When they say stock is at par don't they mean one hundred ?" Johnny's father — «They do.” Johnny—* And is that why we say we are par- boiled when it’s one hun- dred in the shade ?” PATERNAL GRATIFI- CATION. Mr. Mosestein— Vhat vher you blaying mit Sphiegelbach’s leedle poy dis morning 2” Jkey—"Ve vher blay- ing mit fire. Mr. Mosestein—" Dot's a good leedle poy. A JERSEY NOTE. A JERSEYMAN has just trained a swarm of bees to make honey of glu- cose. He has also pro- duced a new flower, which he calls “The Milkman’s Delight,” by crossing the waterlily with the milk- weed. A CRUMB OF COMFORT, Schmool —"1 vos so sorry to hear dot your brother Levi vos burned up to det, Isaac.” Jsaac—"It vos awful sad, Schmool, but he vos heavily insured.” comicbooks.com