Judge — November 16, 1901 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, CORNER YIFTH AVEXUR AND SIXTKENTIL STREET, NEW YORK Terms to Subscribers, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE « Wesrenn Orvice—Henry Rright, Bs: AGENTS (ner me EG Germany. 4 CIRCULATION LARGER THAN ANY OTHER CARTOON WEEKLY IN THE WORLD, ts of JUDGE are protected at Britain. Infringement of vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manu- scripts, otherwise return of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all other contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender’s full name and address written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accom- panying joke or descriptive letter-press should in every instance be written upon its individual picture, and NOT upon a separate alip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amount of post age is also required, to insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. HE gold-hearted lily has skipped from the rill, The chop of the piggy is brown on the grill, And through the lush, mellow, isp air, that is yellow, The kick of the punter is heard on the hill. FoR THE SAKE of consistency and horny-handed_ realism in music it would not be a bad idea to have the baz-pines played on all golf-links on every gala day. It seems unjust and a pity that Scotch whiskey should monopolize the relation of hand-maiden to this popular game, which now bids fair to resur- rect a long-buried taste for plaids and scraggly side-whiskers. eee AFTER ALL, Mr. Richard Croker’s masquerading in a red coat, loud-checked, portable bath-tub, and a monocle that’ must have strained the double-barreled, twen- ty-eight candle and two thousand horse: power pressure of his brain and cheek to hold in place, he did not get all that he was anxious to gather unto himself. His Nile-green knee-breeches, latticed like a cran- berry-pie, with stripes of yello hough beautiful beyond the power of words to describe as a work of impressionistic art, were all in vain, inas- much as the grand chromatic combination, with all its dazzling effects, did not secure him the solid golf vote. vy wy Tr dw tS ety nhs NONSENSICAL. Mr. Pic—"Gee! I can't see why those fellers make so much fuss over a ball: it isn't even good to eat. ERIODICALLY some good old time-honored word becomes so popular that it is used freely and loosely without reference to its real meaning. * Picturesque” is one of the pioneers of this class, and * elegant’? is an+ other. And it would be no exaggeration to say that “artistic” is entitled to a pension. Proposition”? has lately come in for its full share of attention, and now it may be used to cover a summer resort, «surgical operation, or an order for a pound of butter. At present * parlor’? is be- ing worked to death and caused to do all kinds of duty. We have billiard-parlors, shaving-parlot ind manicure-parlors. After awhile other knights of commerce will follow suit, and the butcher will call his shop achop-parlor, and the plumber will hang out a sign to call our attention to his boiler-parlor. The livery-stable will be a horse-parlor, and still the good philologic work will go on until the chamber from which mur- derers are dispatched to the golden hence shall be known as the electric parlor. HE BEST-KNOWN Christian Scientists are now’ practicing on sick cats at long and short range. They profess to cure these fence-ridden pests by telephone, telegraph, and letter. It is a melancholy fact that we cannot reach the moon-kissed cat as effectually with brick-bats over the wires and through the mai If we could it would be an improvement on standing at an open window, ready with uplifted boot-jack to cast the same in the direction of the welkin-splitting meow. If such a system could be perfected, we should feel inclined to be more cl ble in our views of this wonderful fake, especially if some inventive genius would gild the market with a wireless brick that would enable us to telephone the objectionable cats to death without a telephone. Christian Science may be a good thing to try on a sick cat, and we are willing to view it through the spectacles of science when it succeeds in killing the cat-patient. If it can kill a cat it can kill a dog, and, that being the case, it certainly would be more humane for the authorities to destroy impounded dogs by this means than by the usual method of inclosing them in a crate preparatory to sinking the latter for a submarine finish, wee OSTON is intellectu:l or nothing; and many of her most worthy sons are so rigorously fastidious on many questions that one is often forced into the belief that the average Bostonian has little or no real sense of humor. Recently a man was brought before a Boston judge charged with drunkenness. Being a fair-minded man, the judge could not trust his eyes, or the story of the policeman, and his conscience compelled him tu look with the eye of the law into the Century dictionary, in order to gain clearer idea of what constitutes a drunk pure and simple. In thus harness- ing a book of reference to a statute book, which he did, figuratively speak- ing, he performed an unusual literary feat; and if these noble volumes are to travel in that court, tandem fashion, we should be glad to know which is to be the leader. It must strike the average man who thinks that the judge was unable to satisfy himself whether or not the prisoner was legally or morally drunk. He may also have conclided that the defendant's ¢ dition only illustrated a phase of drunkenness, and was not drunkenness in the tree meaning of the spi it of the term, The un! tunate creature may have been drunk in body and not in spirit, or he may have been quite the opposite. At any rate, the judge was puzzled, and to make sure referred to the dictionary, - which must be considered iW WY more than unusual per- (UN Zoe formance for a Boston: oe |: ian of more than three years of age. The Century — dictionary is responsible for the discharge of this prisoner and many others, arraigned on a similar charge; and if the publishers of this great standard work are wide awake, they will lose no time in making a palympsest of the names of those innocents for the purpose of dispatching agents to gather their subscriptions. And if the aforesaid innocents are well-bred and iative Bostonians, they will lose no time in purchasing the volumes mentioned without solicitation on the part of the company’s Whirling acolytes of miscellaneous wind. It seems that the judge agreed with the dictionary that a man is only legally drunk when he staggers, and that when he is not visibly “overcome,” “ stupetied,”” “frenzied,” though full to repletion, he is legally sober. If the dictionary is to take place beside the statute book to guide a judge in the making of nice dis- tinctions and differentiations, the latter may al ind it an invaluable as- sistant in the matter of arriving at various other conclusions before fixing the status of any one brought before him. As. result of the use of this book many sidelights heretofore unknown and unthought of may be thrown on crime as she is committed, and likewise prove a medium through which. the law’s ablest exponents may learn many new wrinkles as to just what constitutes burglary, robbery, arson, and other criminal delicacies of the season, Then Webster and Bhickstone will go hand-in-hand, to the end that the man contemplating. a crime will consult these authorities with a view to operating at once in a manner that would simply amount to what might be called artistic self-protection, And the knowledge thus gained by such st man might, let us trust, cause him to realize that there is more money to be made by keeping in the straight and narrow path where the opportunities re small and the space for action fearfully and wonderfully limited. comicbooks.com