Judge, 1901-09-28 · page 9 of 20
Judge — September 28, 1901 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces mocking political and social pretension in late 19th-century America. **"Concerning King Solomon"** uses a poker-game anecdote to ridicule Washington politicians and clergy who invoke biblical authority to justify questionable behavior. A deacon claims King Solomon was a poker player, citing Proverbs about diligence—a transparent rationalization that amuses the assembled statesmen. **"Sticky Fly-Paper"** shows a child's fantasy of power, likely satirizing ambitions of prominent figures. **"Where They Are All 'Colonels'"** mocks the inflation of military titles. The joke that Colonel Goldlace "served in the army" suggests he fraudulently claims military rank without genuine service—a common pretension Judge ridiculed. The scattered vignettes ("Brewing and Distilling," "No Return") offer brief satirical observations on contemporary life and character types. Overall, the page targets dishonesty, false authority claims, and self-aggrandizement among Washington elites and social climbers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Evidence or testimony?”queried a statesman, who is also a lawyer. “What's the difference?” asked a correspondent. “Testimony is a mere statement, and may be false or true; evidence is that by means of which a fact is es- tablished, See?” “Um—er,” hesitated the dea- con, “I guess all of you will admit Sol- omon's testimony as evidence.” “State it,” said the lawyer. “Well,” ex- plained the deacon, “if you will consult BREWING AND DISTILLING. THERE ARE OTHERS. the fourth verse of Cownov—"' Yes, sir; life ona ranch’s no cinch. There's (AS tie non)" My ol alk Che nply csearares © the tenth chapter of | tou Monel Moonsttinn* Wacal sub it's purty much the CONCERNING KING SOLOMON.: : same in old Kentucky, only ours is mostly distillin’,” SEVERAL statesmen, a newspaper correspondent of two, oor Proverbs, written by King Solomon, as announced in the first and a deacon in one of Washington City's churches f o>.) \\\ verse, you will find this statement: *He becometh poor that were discussing various subjects rh Od dealeth with a slack hand ; of more or less bearing on a but the hand of the di game of poker which had been gent maketh rich.’ Now, played earlier in the evening, It what have you got to offer was merely a game for fun, out in rebuttal ? of deference to the deacon, or And every man there part of the evening would have J ; i é admitted that Solomon been wasted in conversation, and y the deacon surprised the as- evidently knew what he was talking about. sembly. wiLuiaM , LAMFTON. “Were any of you gen- ox : tlemen aware," he said, “that BN is =O i NO RETURN. King Solomon was a poker-player ?" “He codldn't have been the wisest man if he was,” ventured a corre- spondent who is known for his bad luck. “There is evidence that he was, just the same,” . STICKY FLY-PAPER. insisted the deacon. ‘What little Willie Fly would like to do if he was a king. Jaggles—" He always expected to do something great, and said he'd be heard from some day.” Waggles—"1 guess he's going about it in the wrong way. He intends to ‘try to discover the North Pole in an air- WHERE THEY ARE ALL “COLONELS.” Cuo1ty—" Funny thing about Colonel Goldlace.”” Acy: ‘What's that?” CutoLty—"* He served in the awmy.”