Judge — August 10, 1901 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ARTHUR'S EXPE- DIENTS. FROM a very early age Arthur possessed a remarkable capacity for extricating himself from difficulties. which would have baffled an ordinary small boy. On one oc- casion, when about six years old, his mother sent him to the grocery with a small jar for vinegar. Meeting with some diver- sion on the way, the name of the precise article wanted slipped his mem- ory. At the counter, with puckered brow, he stammered and hesi- IN DANGER. tated. “ Mother wanth a Mr. Lizarp—"' Darn those troublesome bugs! I can’t sit pint of—a pint of "—when down to take a quiet smoke without being taken for a dragon.” dans all at once his face cleared, Tie vise one ee Bane ua get that 34 lifting the jar confidently toward the man, he said, “ Pleathe, thir, thmell the jug.” job he applied for Three years later, after a pitched battle with another boy, he was expelled in disgrace Tue MATCH-SAFR—"* No; they tumed him down.” from the school. On nearing the house that evening the father was surprised to see his wii ad zLecTatc-Licut puta —" Turned him down! — young hopeful standing guard over a line of boys with very serious faces, drawn up in Tae MATCH-SA¥E—" Because he smoked.” military array along the front railings. Stepping forward, the boy explained: “ Father, I've been expelled from REFLECTIONS ~ school for fighting OF A SPINSTER. Johnny Watson, but MA&SY & man has : these boys are my wit- lost the love of a nesses to prove that he good wife through in- hit me first.” Where- nocent absences. upon each boy in turn A man speaks delivered his testi- what he thinks; a wo- mony, all having evi- man speaks what she dently been well drilled. wants men to believe Needless to say, the she thinks. wrath of the parent There is only one was not proof against thing in the world more the humor of the situ- rare than an honest ation —nor was the man, and that is an . school superintendent, honest woman. KY i$ 1% next morning. The past may be J AY 5 =’. sg ‘a Tomas, “lost and gone for- ot } : POVERTY'S AD- ever,” yet it has dis- = Ze = VANTAGE. counted the future of x = ae a = R rile cai: y awe : , . = ‘osebery says even a many a woman. : oseber) 1 Men are really at ‘ Z . = millionaire can onyride the bottom of a wo- uc ee \ a = one horse at a time.’ man's inconstancy. 0) OA * z Tinep Tommie—" Dat lady offered ter gib me a whole pie if I'd draw some water. It wuzaterrible 4 nothingaire circus- She never leaves one gent between my desire fer de pie an’ my nateral aversion ter hard work.” t cere eta save for another. Lazy Luxe—‘* How did de scrap come out?” performer, canrade: two: WADA AGNEW. Tirep Tomamtz—"* Oh, it ended in a draw.” at a time. Green—"Yes; but al mn it HA \ i REFORM IN BUGVILLE. —"* Who is that up there, Mrs. Bug, with a lantern?” Mrs. Buc—* Why, don’t you know? That's Mr. Diogenes-Firefly look OUR SLANG. ing for an honest bug.” “ He's got an awful nerve.” comicbooks.com