Judge — June 22, 1901 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sudge. PUBLISHED ONCE 4 WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AMD CANADA I ADVANCE, One copy, one year, or $2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 3.50 One copy. for thirteen weeks. 135 Including the Cuetstuas Juoot FOREIGN. SUBSCRIPTIONS — To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 ayer. Wastexn Ornice—Henry Bright, manager, Boyce building, Chicago. Eon Crary iomal news company, Bream's building, Chancery: ‘Optra, Paris: Saarbach's mews exchange, M CORNER FIFTH AVENUE AND SIXTEENTH STREET, NEW YORK. (27 Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly In the world. fay NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, lafringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted CONTRIBUTORS must Inclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise retura of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guar- anteed. THE CZAR OF RUSSIA to the autonomists of Finland—" I can see you're Finnish !* . ‘How TO INDUCE SLEEP"— Tom Sharkey says the most ef- fective way is to jab him in the solar plexus. eee J PIERPONT MOR- * GAN is reported abroad as buying up“ rare curiosities.” He ought to secure the Servian royal family without delay. see AMERICAN ARMY OFFICERS who have returned from the Philip- pines in shattered health know to their cost that the constitution does rot fol- low the flag. eee A HARVARD PRO- FESSOR writes in the June Forum about “The Religion of a Col- lege Student "—a notable literary achievement in the art of making something out of nothing. eee Faraer Hor: HOGIVES HIM. _ his poor ole mothe “WwW Sere eG FARMER WHIFFLETRE E gives FARMER HORNBEA writes Richard Wat- son Gilder. And yet, if you apply this to the respective givings of Andrew Carnegie and Richard Croker, it seems to place Andrew in a peculiarly unfavorable light. Kill 'er2” best, OLONEL MILLS of West Point grinds slowly, yet he grinds exceed- ing small; Though with patience he ands waiting, with exactness grinds he all. eee **(CUT OUT goo-goo eyes and attend strictly to your desk duties, or Prepare to meet the executioner,” is the injunction blazoned on the walls of the Chicago office of the Hon. Asa Bushnell, former Governor of Ohio. It is for the benefit of the stenographers and typewriter girls, and Governor Bushnell declares he is not a bit too strict, yet we doubt if the notice will become widely popular as a piece of office-furniture. see HEN A WILD-HAIRED MAN, bowed with the weight of self- esteem and nerve, starts up before a placid, practical-minded audi ence and earnestly declares that : When the Norn-Mother saw the Whirl- wind Hour, Greatening and darkening as it hurried on,” keep your seats quietly and don’t start_a panic. It is only Mr. Edwin Markham seizing the opportunity to “deliver” an original poem, composed specially for the occasion, A NATURAL RESENTMENT, . josh Hayrake is awfully down on automobiles. One on ‘em run over going Out of the — x x Nope; never hurted her a gol-dinged particle.” RAISING CAINE, HALt CAINE, who is doing the fearsome stunt of writing about Rome with a Cockney imagination, has come in for a great piece of luck. Before he had begun the story an English magazine paid him ten thousand dollars to secure the right of its serial publication; but now the publishers want their money back, on the ground that they are “unable to publish” some of the installments. They have stopped running“ The Eternal City,” and have brought suit against the author to recover for damages. Mean- while its serial publication here goes on merrily, the New York publishers having as yet, apparently, struck nothing that feazes them. But most peo- ple hereabouts have found the thing impossible to read—on account of its crass dullness. Now they will be roused to push desperately on, and the book may turn out “the novel of the year.” THE CAPILLARY MIDWAY. ROFESSOR FREDERICK STARR, a “noted anthropologist” of the University of Chicago, recently spake unto his class, saying: “ Parting the hair in the middle, the new shirt-waist for men, and tattooing the person, are evidences of the alarming and growing degeneracy of our modern civilization. No normal person will indulge in any of these hab- its." Much as JUDGE is averse to dispute with the learned Chicago an- thropoid, we must say, in regard to the first clause of his proposition, that our own observation of the facts in the case does not by any means lead to his conclusion. In the first place, Nature herself parts a man’s hair in the middle for him, willy-nilly, as soon as the thatch begins to thin out. ‘The thinner it grows the more it is parted in the middle, until finally the “parting” yawns over the whole top of the head. As for those who have plenty of hair, we can say that nearly all the pugil- ists and football men with whom we happen to be personally acquainted part it in a dead-centre line, and even some edit- ors have been known to do so, Besides, now that the girls generally have adopted the fashion of dividing their luxuriant tresses on the side, in ad- dition to affecting mas- culine clothes, hats and neckwear, and riding astride on horseback, a man simply is driven to ! parting his hair in the * middle, in order to make some distinction of sex. “FOR EXCHANGE.” “ JUDGE'S" SWAPPING DEPARTMENT, zX yqT ypewriter, (business 1 eXchange Machine for gold Pen, D—n! zd Chauffeur would like to exchange an Automobile (somewhat damaged from collision with cable-car, and subsequent explosion) for a serviceable pair of walking-shoes and a crutch-cane. A lot of Sure Tips on the Races, worth thousands of dollars as soon as the respective horses win, will be given away as equivalent for Car Fare or Transportation Home. Wood B. Sport, Gravesend. A set of Populist Notions, Bryan brand, Kansas City make, will be sold cheap, or exchanged for Jeffersonian, Jacksonian, Republican, or any old Principles in working order for immediate service with the progressive element of the Southern Democracy. Address Senator McLaurin, South Carolina, I will give my copy of that standard work of fiction, “How To Win in Wall Street,” to any person securing me a job as motorman on one of the Metropolitan street railway lines, or as waiter in a restaurant where | can be guaranteed Regular Meals. Call on Shorn Lamb, Curbstone in front of N.Y. Stock Exchange. — x? — The Matrimonial and Divorce Annex of this Exchange Department is located for the season at Newport, R. I., where our clients will find rare opportunities for the re-adjustment of sentimental and other relations. Repair-shops close at hand. Also, bargains in foreign titles, peerages. heirlooms, jewelry, and family junk of all kinds. Try us once and you will come again, comicbooks.com