Judge — June 15, 1901 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“FOR EXCHANGE,” If you have a little pony ‘And you don't know how to ride, You can swap it for the latest chainless wheel, If you have a paper collar, Ora counterfeit half dollar, You can swap it for an automobile. Swap a glass eye for a pickle, Swap a gumdrop for a pail; Swap an onion for a sickle, ‘Swap a bucket for a nail. When a thing ’s no use why drop it? Go immediately and swap it— Go and swap and swap and swap it; Go and swap it right away. If you have an Easter bonnet ‘That has freckles on its fringe, You can swap it for a bottle of old rye. If you have an old bandanna That's cast off by your Aunt Hannah, You can swap it for a huckleberry pie. Swap a corkscrew for a razor, Swap a whistle for a clock ; Swap a pancake for a blazer, Swap a toothbrush for a sock. Sydney Rosenfeld, in The King's Carni- val” Libretto, Abbott's, the Original Angostura Bitters, makes work and hearts both lighter. At drug- gists and grocers, “Look here!” cried the foreman there any ‘n's’ in your case? You’ ‘d's’ for ‘n’s' all through this ‘take.’ How's that?” ‘I dod't dow,” replied the compositor, “udless it's because I've a cold id the head.” Catholic Standard and Times, aren't used says he cant ant help ee iceling Stylish in Will You Have a Club Cocktail Before Your Dinner? You can offer this polite attention to the guest who 1¢3 with you at your home have a boitle of the “Glu Cocktallac” They are home Cocktails. They are on the sideboards of thousands of homes. Are they on yours? It's the proper thing to have he age of the *Club Cocktails,” the pure liquors used. "the perfect blending, make them better thaa you can mix; better than any cocktail’ served ‘over any’ bar in the world. Send home a bottle of Man- hattan, Martini, Whiskey, Holland or Tom Gin, Ver: mouth or York, to-day. FROM OUR JAPANESE CONTRIBUTOR. To the Editor of Jupcr, ple, and moreover I lack wit. I only reproduce here what happened me some time ago. 1 en- tered an old book -store and asked the pro- prictor, "* Have you any good book on whiske} industry?” ‘We have one by Hummond,” he replied ; “*it is quite a rare book.” ‘Well, rare things are not always good," interrupted I. * You see, it is too old. It is published som twenty years ago.” ‘So much the better," returned the book-seller. ‘* The older whiskey isthe better.” Yours truly, H, Yostpa, As an appetizer and general tonic, mix quar- ter wine-glass Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bitters, fill with iced water, add teaspoonful sugar. Shifty—" Have you seen the silver cup I got by running?” “Sharple—* No. Did you outrun the policeman, then ?”"—Pick-Me- It would be idle to attempt to prove the pop- ularity of the Sohmer Piano. Every child in the United States and Canada knows the Soh- mer. Don’t | You |Forget to have a supply of EVANS’ ALE put In the hampor. Just the thing for an outing Sox Dealer anys here. C,H. EVANS & SONS, Hodson, N.Y. PHILADELPHIC ORACLES. When the carpenters build a hotel they are | the first to put up there. So far as going is concerned, a holiday ought to be called a fast day. For downright usefulness and upright ways commend us to a first-class elevator. If there's any expression the florist detests it is this: * No bouquets.” A girl named May may be fickle enough to deserve the name of April. The telephone girl may not read the Bible, | but she does peruse the book of numbers, Though not a fashion-plate. the butcher al- ways dresses to suit the occasion. ‘The orchestra leader seldom tries to get his | musicians out of the beaten track, —Philadelphia Bulletin, You will not get left It you Own One of the Reliable “Accurateto the Second” DUEBER HAMPDEN WATCHES Leo ron THE, maue “oute ‘wGalde to Watch Rayors® Bent Pree. The Dueber-tempdem Wateh Work Dear Sir—I am not English-speaking peo-! THE HOLY CITY, | You can best see the Holy City by keeping outside the unholy one. There you find clean- liness and order and decency. The quarters about Hughes's Hotel are especially neat in their civilization and a very popular centre for American travelers, In fact, if you are a trav- eler, you simply have to lodge outside. There is no place for you in the city. But after you have seen it you are glad indeed that there is no law which can compel you to sleep in it or to re- main in it any longer than it takes you to get out of it. Oh, people do live in Jerusalem, I know. And people also live in Constantinople. And in jail. And also in China, I believe. But I wouldn't care to live in any of those places, and I don’t know that I care very much which one takes first or last place in the list. — Bob Burdette, in Chicago Record-Herald. Gilpin—" Paddock is remarkably lucky at the races.” Revere—* Indeed! How much has he won?" Gilpin—*I don't know; but he’s been playing them for nearly two weeks and he isn't broke yet."— own Topics. VARYING THE PHRASE, A current newspaper list. of ‘overworked phrases, which ought to be retired,” suggests an illustrative story of a young reporter, "" ver- batim note-taker and able to work at the case,” who nevertheless hated frayed and worn e: pressions, ‘* You have used the word * grouse’ three times in this paragraph,” said the editor- proprietor with a cold, critical emphasis. "*I have,” admitted the reporter-compositor ; “*what else can I call a grouse?” “* What else—what else?" cried the editor angrily. ‘* Where has your imagination gone? Call him a" feathered denizen of the moor,’ of course.” The reporter digested the lesson. The next day he clipped a long report about yellow fever in Cuba, in which the disease was sometimes referred to by its colloquial name, ** yellow jack.” He in- serted it under the heading, ‘* Chrome-colored John,” left his resignation on the table, and thenceforth wrote serials, Penelope—* It took Charlie and me nearly two hours to go around the links."" Perdita— “You must have stopped.” Penelope—"* We did. We stopped to play occasionally."— own Topics, “No, thank ‘just as good.’ makes alittle more profit. smaller cake, as you will sce if you compar, Williams’ Soaps sold everywhere, but sent WILLIAMS’ SHAVING STICK, 25c. GENUINE YANKEE SHAVING SOAP, 10c. LONDON PARIS ILLIAMS scx" you! I want WILLIAMS’ Shaving Soap. I beg your pardon, there isn’t anything else I have used Williams’ Soap all my life and know what I am talking about. 0, yes; I’ve tried the other kinds, but they were all failures —lather dried quickly, my face smarted, they made shaving a nightmare! Williams’ Soap, please; that’s good enough for me.’’ CAUTION —Don't accept a substitute for Williams’ Shaving Soap on which the dealer You will not only get a Give me in tnfertor soap, but probably also a Villiams’ Soap. with, dy mail if your dealer docs not supply you. LUXURY SHAVING TABLET, 25c. SWISS.VIOLET SHAVING CREAM, 50c. WILLIAMS’ SHAVING SOAP (Barbers") 6 round cakes. 11b.,40¢. Exquisite also for foilet™ THE J. B. WILLIAMS CO., Glastonbury, Conn. DRESDEN SYDNEY A PLAINT FROM GEORGIA, If a body write a body And receive no reply, Can't a body write a body ‘And ask the reason why? —Baby Ruth, Every actor ina play ought to have at least a part interest in it.—Philadelphia Bulletin. For sale by all Fancy Grocers and Dealers. G. F. HEUBLEIN & BRO. li: Broadway, N. Martford, Conn, The man (severely)—"* You should keep still| when you are playing whist.” 7"he woman— * But how is one to do two things at once?"— Town Topics. EUROPEAN TRAVEL. Miss Weldon will take six young ‘adies abroad, ‘AaRESTRICTED. | HIGHEST REFERENCES. dress, for, ictus of the hoapcetns of the trip, Aitee Weldon, THE “SOHMER” HEADS THE LIST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. SOHMER PIANOS Sohmer Building, 2 Sidrester New Ne Sth Ave., cor. 22d Bt. re a “Defender of the Rails-The New York Central2’—Uzica Herato. ae Ccomicbooks.com