Judge — June 8, 1901 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CAMADA IH ADVANCE, One copy, one year, of 52 numbers ‘One copy, six months, or 36 number ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks =~ feciuding the Cusistaas Juocs. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS — To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 ayer. Wastaaw Ornce—Henry Bright, manager, Beyce building, Chicago. Eunoraan sains-acents—/ntermational news company. Bream's building, Chancery lane, &, 6. Landen: Brentane's, avenue del Optra, Pe jaarbach's news exchange, Mains, jany. CORNER FIFTH AVENUE AND SIXTEENTH STREET, NEW YORK. (97 Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly ia the world. E- NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juocn are protected by copyright In both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must taclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise retura of the latter when found uoavallable cannot be guare anteed. A “GET"-TOGETHER CLUB—The Allies in China. THE GRAND DUKE MICHAEL of Rus- SINGING THE ROCKS-OLOGY. GINCE JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER, the Standard Oil magnate, made a handsome donation to the Wellesley College, Massachusetts, the fair undergraduates of that institution have prepared a revised edition of the Doxology, which they now sing as follows: “ Praise Jobn, from whom oil blessings flow, Praise him, oil creatures here below, Praise him above the heavenly host, Praise William some, but John the most.”” ONE COMFORT. INCE the stock panic has come and gone, it behooves survivors to seek out such disguised blessings as it may have brought in its train. One of these is located by a veteran as follows: “ You can nail one statement to the mast-head—that is, you won't hear any more yarns about office-boys, actors, waiters, politicians, beggars, soubrettes, farmers, ladies, and lobsters generally making fortunes out of the stock-market. That end of the Wall Street game has been cut out with a surgeon's knife, and it will be a num- ber of years at least before it develops again. ° “THE LUNATIC HERALD.” A MAGAZINE edited by a lunatic for lunatics, and for “those who are likely to go crazy,” would not seem to be much of a novelty. There are, however, some points of originality about The Lunatic Herald, lately started at Jacksonville, Illinois, by one “General” A. B, Leeper, who de- scribes himself as “the man who has the best record as a first-class lunatic of any man in the State, or Nation perhaps; hav- sia, heir-presumptive to ing been adjudged insane the throne, contemplates by various juries and a visit to America. Hur- ry up, Mike, so as to take in the Pan-American. eee LERGYMEN of all denominations are tet and stock-gambling. Quite a number of them were pinched in the re- cent Wall Street corner. se THE REV. DR. N. D. HILLIS announces from the Plymouth pul- pit that the desire for wealth is the great Amer- ican peril. Like all the rest of us, Dr. Hillis is trying his best to get— out of danger. coe H°°r. MON! did ye say the Glasgow Fair was bigger than the Buffalo Exposition? Why, ye've only a plain Scotch high-ball over there, and dinna ye ken that ours is a Rainbow cocktail, with Niagara on the side? eee preaching against the j deadly sin of speculation fellers thet hain’t willin’ ter work. Disgusted promoter (at telephone)—" Hello, JupGe! Say, what do you s'pose? Governor Odell has vetoed our bridge bill.” Judge—" i'm! What do you think of him?” Disgusted promoter— | think he's a lobster—A la Newburg !" ses N ESTEEMED CORRESPONDENT writes to ask JUDGE what the initials G. P. A. stand for as affixed to the name of George H. Dan- iels of the N. Y.C. and H.R. Railroad. That's easy, neighbor, They stand for Great Pan-American, of course! eee Miss GEORGIANA K. VANDERPUMP, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Knickerbocker Vanderpump, owing to recent financial reverses of her father, has decided to go on the stage. She will take the place in the “Follydora” chorus left vacant by the girl who made nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars by a lucky flyer in Wall Street. eee THE LATE PROFESSOR HUXLEY remarked, out of his own expe- rience, that when a man says what he has no need to say he is sure to commit a blunder. Nobody will question the truth of this observation, but everybody forgets it in practice. We are all liable, at times, to keep on talking after we have said enough—even J UDGE is, as in this editorial note. HAD TO START THE GAME. Amos SQUASHBEAK—"* No, sir; I won't give you nothin’ to eat. Why, jes’ yesterday my wife give a loafer a hull dried-apple pie, an’ the ongrateful scamp went right to the wood-shed an’ stole a new six-dollar cross-cut saw.” Houncitinc Henry—" Well, he had ter git de pie open some way, didn't he?” medical commissions “His plat- A fool never goes crazy or gets bald- headed,” and his three- fold object is (1) to in- terest and help the insane in hospitals and asylums ; (2) to secure amend- ments to the lunacy laws of the various States; and (3) to counteract the prevailing sentiment that it is a disgrace to have gone crazy. The editor publishes a partial list of his subscribers, which includes the names of “ Andrew Carnegie, mul- ti-millionaire and philan- thropist,” the Rev. T. De Witt Talmage, Mark Hanna, and four of Pres- ident McKinley's Cab- inet Secretaries. He mentions but one sub- scriber in all the State of Nebraskay and that one is not Mr. W. J. Bryan. I'm jes’ sick an’ tired feedin’ HARD LINES. (To am Editor, om receiving his“ thanks and vain regrets.) 'O-NIGHT, when all my chores were done, And the chickens were asleep, I called my Muse and bade her haste To climb Parnassus’ steep; For I would not that an Editor With “vain regrets” should weep. To climb, alas! Not hers to soar, Like yonder graceful hawk : Her form is modeled on the lines Of the extinct Great Auk, And when she strikes her swiftest gait, Men say, “ How slow you walk!” She must have met a ‘Thank you, ma'am,” Somewhere upon the track, For soon I heard her high-heeled shoes On the gravel walk, click-clack! My turned-down MSS., alas! Were all she brought me back. comicbooks.com