Judge — March 9, 1901 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PROLONGING LIFE. INCOLN, Nebraska.—Colonel W. J. Bryan (re- tired) is authority for the statement that salt is a wonderful restorative and curative agent. He says that two trips up Salt river have quite cured him of a persistent buzzing in the ears. Chicago.— Inquiry among the leading clothing merchants of this city reveals the fact that the recent discoveries concerning salt and pepper as means for prolonging life have caused a notable increase in the demand for pepper- and-salt jeans, Sky Blue Dog, Oklahoma.—Salt as an aid to long life is looked upon with favor in this section. It is well known that a number of people have died suddenly in the neighborhood because they were too fresh. Milwaukee.—Schnitt Schnapps, the oldest citizen of Milwaukee, ascribes his ripe age to the life-long habit he has of putting a pinch of salt in his beer. Muskrat Bump, Minnesota.—Pepper as a A FINE FIGURE, Miss Ber—"* My! what a lovely waist you have, Miss Wasp! What brand of cor- sets do you wear?” life-preserver has received a knock-out up here. “ Buck” Spottednose, an Indian confined in the calaboose, caught a galloping fever last night, was peppered well by a posse, but died almost instantly. Maybe he was peppered too much. Pocket Pistol, Kentucky.—Major Bourbon, an old and prominent resi- dent of Carbuncle county, when asked what he thought about salt as a promoter of longevity, said that he didn’t know much on the subject. In his own case he pre- ferred whisky. Considered that whisky was an excel- lent preservative because it contained alcohol. How- ever, salt presented a fascinating subject for considera- tion, It made him thirsty. Washington.—Admirals Sampson and Dewey lay the remarkable immunity enjoyed by the American sailors during the Spanish war to the fact that they were old salts. Atlanta, Georgia.—Aunt Lucy Brown, colored, said to be one hun- dred and nineteen years old, of this city, puts small faith in salt or pepper as inducers of life. Maintains that her husband died because a . he was’saulted; and insists that if she hadn't smoked her pipe regularly she plano thas Xin jTHE FAT MAN'S PIANO. , she would have died several years ago, herself, despite an exceedingly he piano that Xiblibilisky, the virtuoso, had built when obesity overcame him. — Denpery disposition, iil ' JUST THE KIND HE LIKED. Mike (just moving in)—'* Shure, the lan'lord worn’t a liar phin he said thot Oi'd foind this a pleasant neighborhood.” comicbooks.com