Judge, 1901-03-09 · page 12 of 22
Judge — March 9, 1901 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical journalism. **Notable items:** "A Future Lawyer" depicts two boys arguing about meal times—a child's debate framed as legal argumentation, satirizing how children mimic adult formal reasoning. "A Costly Error" jokes about a doctor misdiagnosing a wealthy patient's appendicitis as stomach ache, missing the opportunity for a lucrative procedure—satirizing both medical practice and class assumptions. "Exhaustive Annexations" features two characters debating American imperial expansion, with one arguing the U.S. should annex territory until it has "no boundary"—likely referencing contemporary debates about American expansionism and territorial acquisition (relevant to early 1900s U.S. foreign policy). "The Ideal Vehicle" is a quick joke about automobiles needing "horse sense"—playing on the newness of automobiles replacing horses. Other pieces include light domestic humor and wordplay. The page emphasizes comedy through misunderstandings, professional incompetence, and political/social commentary in accessible, joke-based format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BAKING CAKE WHEN THEY WER ov BELOW. Fair stummer—"' My child, what are you doing there 2” Mickry —"" ‘Sh—don't give it away. I jest dropped de IN tree carat dimund out uv me ring down dis gratin’.”* A MATTER OF NOMENCLATURE. UCH verse I indite to Phyllis, and Rose, To Margaret. Mildred, and Molly; To Edith, and Ethel, in metre disclose Whole depths of devotional folly. The stories I write are of Helen, and Grace, Of Eleanor, Maude, and Irene ; With Doris, I fill an occasional space, Likewise with Mabella. and Jean. And when I have published a poem, or tale, Historical, modern, or myth, I long for the praise that will come without fail, From dear little Sarah Jane Smith. i. SvuvesTan, A COSTLY ERROR. Young doctor—" Did you ever make a mistake in a diagnosis?” Old doctor—" Nes. shabby old fellow came into my office one day, and after I told him he had only a stomach ache and charged him two dollars, I found out that he was rich enough to have appendicitis.” 1. The statue of the great American — _ THE A FUTURE LAWYER. AVID and Bela, aged re- spectively six and five, were devoting to an argu- ment the last few minutes before the midday meal should be served, David con- tending that the meal was dinner, and Bela insisting that it was supper. Naturally, David, being in the right, seemed to have the best of the case. “You just wait till you hear the clock strike,” said he, “and you'll find that it’s din- ner, ‘cause we have dinner at twelve o'clock. Suppers at six.’ “ Humph!" grunted Bela, and waited. Presently the clock struck, “There! exclaimed David triumphantly. “Twelve iy fH IN TOPSYTURVY LAND. Fisit —" Hooray, got a beauty at last.” o'clock! Now what do you think ?” “Humph !" said Bela again, It struck six two times.” MAKING CONVERSATION, She—" What a very mild win- ter we've had.” He—" Well, I think it has been fierce. I'm in the fur business.” JUST SO. Little Elmer—“ Papa, what is a counterfeiter ?" Professor Broadhead —" ® counterfeiter, my son, is a man who ‘wants money so bad that he makes dt that way.” A CORRECTION. $+ AND they were married at high noon, | suppose?" queried the reporter. “Not a bit of it,” growled the old man; “they were married at low midnight. It was an clope- ment.” THE IDEAL VEHICLE. Jaggles —" What do you con- sider to be the great need of the present day?” Waggles —" It seems to be an automobile with horse sense.” yf K. if iat ne cy WUN WON ONE. A sporty old chink named Wun Won Sat up playing fan tan for mon, At two he'd lost ten But he stuck to it — then ‘Wan Won won one-one at 1:01. EXHAUSTIVE ANNEXATIONS. Uncle Abner —*\ tell ye, 1 want ter see the United States launch out on a grand old policy of expansion in every direction. In twenty years we would be the greatest nation in history.” Unéle Seth —" Ves, yes, nice ter think about, but it ‘d have its drawbacks. We ‘d be havin’ boundary disputes with every" Uncle Abner —* Boundary disputes! Nonsense, man, We ‘d have no boundary in twenty years.” —and how it appeared thirty years later, comicbooks.com