Judge, 1901-02-09 · page 10 of 16
Judge — February 9, 1901 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's style: **"A Contrast"** mocks a man (Jones) who claims his back is too weak to shovel snow but has no problem holding five playing cards at his club—suggesting laziness masked by excuses. **"The Cause of the Deficiency"** jokes about Chicago's census undercount, with characters speculating that Italian families leaving the city before the census explains why it didn't reach two million inhabitants—likely satirizing both census methodology and ethnic demographics of the era. **"Poor Mary Jane"** features a caregiver proudly recounting her expensive medical care for an asylum patient, emphasizing duty and propriety while inadvertently revealing she paid handsomely ($25) for a doctor's vague medical talk about "ego" in the patient's back—satirizing both medical pretension and working-class deference to authority. Other pieces mock foolish fashion choices and predictable romantic clichés. The page exemplifies Judge's accessible, class-conscious humor targeting American social pretension and human folly.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A CONTRAST. HE snow has fallen soft and thick In front of Jones's track ; To wield the shovel half an hour He says would break his back. And yet when later at the club And snugly drawn the shades, You ought to see the ease and joy With which he holds five spades. MC LANDBURGH WILSON. THE CAUSE OF THE DEFICIENCY. Harriman Hattan—"\tis very amusing to hear the excuses those Chicago men make for the failure of the census to give their city two mill- ion inhabitants.” Richmond Burroughs—" Yes, 1 spoke of the matter to Porkenlard the other day, and he actually spent about twenty minutes trying to show - with | me that it was all because a couple of Italian fami- setae oe tate ta, EXPLANATORY. ten , * hee Morner—'' Who's been in the jam-closet ? ; , fate lies moved away from the city just before the census Bopny—" Well, I turned my back to it and said, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan,’ and I guess he did, was taken.” and got right into the jamecloset,” west | POOR MARY JANE. > wet | +s VES, poor Mary Jane has gone to the asylum ; but 1 done my ne duty by her to the last. The doctor he said he'd got to call in another man, so’s to have the license, or whatever you call it, all fair and square, and he was for palmin’ off on her one of these common doctors right here in town. But | -ce! if Mary Jane ’s got to go to the jum I ain't goin’ to have no makeshifts like that. I'm bound to do my duty by her! He had the impudence to say ‘twa'n’t necessary at all, but 1 stuck fast, and the upshot on ‘t was he sent to Hartford for Dr. Grayti, and, I tell ye. he's a good one! Why, he talked splendid for nigh a quarter of an hour! {don’t recollect just his words, but he had a good deal to say about poor Mary Jane's ego—as near as I could make out, that’s something in the small o' the back. Oh, I tell ye, he's fine! Yes, I paid him twenty- five dollars, but ‘twas wuth it! I was bound to do my duty by poor Mary Jane.” IN HOT WATER, DVERSITY and trouble, understood, Bring out our courage and our power for good ; ‘Tis like the tea, fresh steaming from the spout — Hot water draws the strength and flavor out. | WELL COACHED, GLapys —"* Beatrice is engaged to a foot-ball player." Etnet—" Yes, She says he * punted’ himself right into her heart !" —‘Ah—he must have required a deal of “coaching’ to make such a punt as that.” CALLED FOR. come for id he, as he touched the individ- ual’s shoulder. “Who are you 3” demanded the latter. “1am the fool- killer.” “Well. I guess you've made a mistake this time.” “Not at all. You are wearing a stud ina bat-wing tie. * Further entreaties were of no avail. CONSISTENT Me Th POLICE RETORT: _ SRORESE ere nes “Mr. Thomas Jimson, who has for some time been . A PROFESSIONAL KICK. man Is as Tare aS suspected of Shop ition, has at last been ‘caught in the Come axtist—* Darn . , hate a man who can’t take a joke.” a virtuous one. act.” comicbooks.com