Judge — January 26, 1901 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIXING IT. Pat—" Norah, wan word. Whin Oi die, if yez be sure Oi'm dead, yez kin hov thim bury me in the ground; but if yez are not dom sure Oi want yez to see thot Oi'm cremated.” Frowers—"' Oh, dear! this is worse than being frost-bitten.” RE At OBSERVATIONS OF UNCLE EPHR’IM BENDIME. dye { . (On seeing the first trolley-car pass along the streets of Staunton, Va.) LON > " SANA a ; S¢ PAR. now, what am de white man gwine do nex"? ne tt TI as Ym Bll! ‘ Treads ma bible an’ I somewhar fin’s dis tex’: DT NH iH at {I He sides on de lightain’ an’ he sits on de storm.” Da ANU if Af . TAMER) A" An’ ef it ain't done come true sho's yo" born ! we ine ead Ulta Y hh ih When I sees dat man jes’ a stan‘in’ up dar, Ty A-holdin’ ob a handle an’ a runnin’ ob dat car, f Bay A TNT I say to myself, de day am come sho’ \ m ; IN \ t When de nigger’s poor frien’s am certainly got to go. Vy s . De nigger an’ de mule, dey done worked togedder, \Y th iv ts . \ Dy Year in an’ year out, in ebry sort ob wedder ; Now ‘long comes de white man wid his scientific school, He gives de fatal edic’, an’ he ‘spenses wid de mule. But de worst ain't yet ; dar’s no sayin’ what he'll do! When he ‘spenses wid de mule ‘spose he d ‘spense wid chickens too. An’ when dey am done away wid, dere ain't no tellin" But de nex’ thing he ‘spenses wid'll be de watah-melon. All de nigger's favorites, ef he am bound to loss ‘em— Jes’ as well ‘spense wid de nigger when you ‘spenses wid de possum. Ef doubtin’ ob de bible wa'n’t such a sin, I say de nex’ thing de white man'll change de nigger's skin. But when I comes to ‘sider what de bible truly say (Only de nigger an’ de leopard can’t change dere way), It don’t say de white man can't change ‘em ef he's mind to, An’ ef de signs ain't wrong it looks as ef he's gwine to.” ©. c. uuvEy, SuBURBAN BUG—'' My triend, there's nothing like the country. I really can't see how you ants stand it to live in the city.” REFLECTIONS OF A SPINSTER. VERY man will uncover the hidden skeleton of his life to the proper woman. ‘The average man never thoroughly believes in a wo- man until she has deceived him. When the doings of prov- idence suit us we call it fate; when they don’t we call it misfortune. Married men drink cock- tails at night, engaged men in the morning. and bachelors at all times, The presence of fine rai- ment brings forth every de tail of politeness in an ordi- nary man’s nature. The most pitiable thing in the world is the petty jeal- ousy of an idle woman of uncertain age living ina hall- room of a boarding - house, while making a pretence of IT WAS “UP TO” BRIDGET. being real swell. LaDy OF THE 11 Bridget, here is a new tooth- Brivcer 1 * Now, how in the name av common sinse am vapa acnew. brush for your birthday-present.” Oi goin't' clane the teeth ay this rake wid this little brush?” comicbooks.com