Judge, 1900-11-17 · page 6 of 16
Judge — November 17, 1900 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor: **"Reflections of a Spinster"** presents cynical observations on marriage and male character. The author (Veda Agnew) argues that wealthy marriages fail regardless of outcome, and that "chinless men"—physically weak-looking men lacking strong jawlines—inevitably fail unless born wealthy. This reflects period anxieties about masculinity and class. **"A Hard Task"** satirizes missionary work in China by noting Chinese doctors' ethical practice of not charging poor patients, implying this contradicts Christian charity—suggesting the "heathen" are already morally superior. The remaining pieces are brief joke scenarios: a mismatched couple's bargain marriage, an Irish immigrant ("Norah") mistaking a football for a pumpkin, a nouveau-riche husband whose refurbished home mirrors a Paris exposition, and a Black man ("Mistah Smifl") hitting a golf ball through a farmer's window. The humor relies on period stereotypes about immigrants, race, and social climbing, reflecting Judge's audience and editorial perspective.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
REFLECTIONS OF A SPINSTER. POOR man who marries a rich girl takes a long chance. If she confides her fortune to his keeping and he increases it #e is unbearable ; if he decreases it she is. If she merely supports him in indolence she tires of him. A woman invariably tires of an indolent man, If she does not support him he tires of her and hails the divorce-agent. An impossible vacuum in the place where a chin should have been often belies a magnificent forehead and fine eyes. The eyes may glow with ambitious desire, but mouth and chin are cowardly, hesitating and ruinously weak. Hence a chinless man is invariably a failure unless he inherits money. In that case he is only a misfit. If divorce-courts were absolutely abolished the number of men who take the matrimonial step would decrease wonderfully. Sentiment is not part and parcel of a man’s life, as it is of that of a wo- man. Toa girl, “ Wilt thou take this man,” etc., is the overture to a happy future, right up to the golden gates; but while she sees only sunshine and rose-bowers, the man has other ions, with perhaps the accompaniment of judge and jury. To her it is a wedding, a marriage; to him an event. VEDA AGNEW, A HARD TASK. ++] AM afraid it will be a long time before our missionaries can get the heathen Chinese properly Christianized,” said the old codger, wagging his head in mock lugubriosity. “I was readin’, just last night, that a Chinese doctor never takes a fee from a poverty-stricken patient. A BARGAIN. Prrcy—"' How did you ever get her to accept you?” NORAH'S ERROR. Tousy—"' Oh, Norah! what did you cut my foot-ball for?” Nokant (just landed)—"* Shure, how did Oi know it wor a fut-ball? Oi to't it wor a new koind av pumpkin, Oi did.” They have a proverb in that country that‘ when.the twin enemies, disease and poverty, invade a home he who accepts money from its inmates is a robber.’ PERFECTLY AT HOME. Mr, Newcomb (just vack from Paris, on being asked if anything at the exposition re- minded him of home)—" Bless me! didmt you know my wife had the Bouse refurnished two months before I sailed? When going through the exhibition buildings the * Hands-off! and * Not-to-touch cautions put me immediately at ease." THANKSGIVING. FUEL well the turkey under. stands Now in the neck he’s sure to catch it; For, Georgie-like, the farmer stands And does it with his little | hatchet. THEN IT GROWS MO- NOTONOUS. Friend —* This free~and- easy Bohemian style of living must be very pleasant.” Artist—"\t is—when you Fexpy—" Told her I knew a minister who had marked down the marriage ceremony from five dollars to four dollars 4% not compelled to live that and ninety-eight cents,” wi PUT A LOCK ON THE CHICKEN-COOP DOOR. ** Monin’, Mistah Smifl. Sorry to distu’b yo'r hen-coop, but I's jest jined a golf-club an" made a long drive inter dis yere winder.” And after the ‘drive home.” comicbooks.com