Judge, 1900-04-28 · page 5 of 16
Judge — April 28, 1900 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous sketches satirizing common social situations of the era: **"Stationary Youth"** mocks a wealthy father's absurd logic: his daughter is "too young" to marry at eighteen, yet he's waited years for an uncle's inheritance—implying he values money over his daughter's happiness. **"No Marriage"** plays on a misunderstanding: a young man asks for "sodas" at a country store, but the clerk provides baking soda instead, unfamiliar with the modern beverage term. **"Woman's Way"** is an allegorical poem where April (spring personified) manipulates Father Time into granting her Easter decorations—birds and flowers—through emotional manipulation (crocodile tears). The joke critiques how women supposedly use charm and tears to get what they want. **"Just So"** offers a brief joke about tact as "knowing what not to do." The page reflects early 20th-century attitudes about gender, class, and modernization (sodas as a new urban commodity). The humor relies on stereotypes: stubborn fathers, emotional manipulation by women, and rural-urban cultural gaps.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
eighteen 1 FCUNIOUS LOVE and she doesn't seem to get any older. STATIONARY YOUTH. Ricit FATHER—"* My daughter is too young to get married, She is only "1 know, sir; NO MARRIAG! Mr. JacksoN—" Mah uncle has died NOT THAT KIND. G man, while out driving in you the country with his best girl, stopped at a little grocery-store and asked for a couple of sodas. The clerk handed hi two pound packages of baking-soda, Two géasses of soda,” ex- plained the young man. “Oh,” said the clerk, “ourn hain’t that kind.” ITS ONLY DRAWBACK. Smith—" There is only one fault to be found with this store mucilage.” Green—" What's that? Smith—\t won't stick but I have waited patiently for years, Jeft me all his fortune.” Miss Jottssos—" Oh, darling! 1am yours.” Mr. JacksoN—"*An' it inventories at—— “+ Rain coming down in sheets !* WOMAN'S WAY. FATHER TIME sat in his study, Father Time tooked wisely at her, Lounging in his easy-chair. And indulgently he smiled. Nice old chap, so hale and ruddy, _** I don't care to hear you flatter ; With his long white beard and hair, Tell me what you want, my child.” Suddenly unto his portal ‘Came a sound of flying feet— Prettier than any mortal— April entered, fair and sweet. Then said April, coming closer, By the torelock taking him, ** Easter ‘s almost here—and oh, sir, I've my Easter-hat to trim, In a gown of primrose yellow, * Such a pretty Easter-bonnet— With a manner gay and blithe— But, you see I really need ** Daddy Time, you dear old fellow !" Some spring birds and posies on it.” Said she, fingering his scythe. But Time thundered ** No, indeed ' * Such audacity ‘s appalling! Birds and flowers belong to May.” Then the crystal tears came faliing (Crafty April knew the way). And she said, though April showers Almost drowned her plaintive words, “Can't have just a few flowers— ‘And a half a dozen birds?” " There, there! do not ery, my poppet” (Time was just like other men). “Don't ery’ If you'll only stop it You may have your posies then.”* Quick the tears that had been streaming Disappeared and left no trace. Soon a radiant smile was beaming ‘On Miss April's lovely face And she had for her adorning All the birds and blossoms bright. Crowned with these on Easter morning April was a charming sight, CAROLYN WELLS, JUST SO, Little Elmer—" Papa, what is tact?" Professor Broadhead —* Tact, my son,1s the art of knowing what not to do,” 2, —two dollahs an’ forty-seben cents !” comicbooks.com