Judge, 1900-02-24 · page 10 of 16
Judge — February 24, 1900 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's commentary on American life and politics circa the early 1900s. **"His Title"** mocks Filipino resistance leader Aguinaldo by having him compare himself to George Washington while admitting he's actually "getting farther off my country every day"—a jab at the Philippine-American War and the insurgency's failing position. **"The Baby"** humorously critiques verbose pseudo-intellectual fathers who pontificate pretentiously while speaking baby talk, impressing no one but themselves. **"Golden Silence"** praises a woman's discretion in not bragging about her ailments, contrasting with the common social habit of cataloging one's medical complaints. **"The Early Bird Catches It"** depicts roosters and hens in a comic scenario where Henry Henper complains about being roused early, then decides to stay awake and eat only vegetables—a gentle satire on health fads and domestic absurdities. The humor relies on recognizable American social types and contemporary anxieties rather than specific current events (except Aguinaldo).
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE BABY. Philosophical super-critical observations rare On saints above and men below and things of earth and air, Problematical axiomatical judgments thick with lore ‘That must make Aristotle blush to think he knew no more, Diplomatical footballtackleum intricacies he knows, And gives old Otis points on handling Filipino foes— That is what he thinks and means and says when gurg- ling ** Goo !"* His mother knows it for a fact—his pa does, too. Sage HIS TITLE. It WAS the twenty-second of February, and Agui- naldo sat wrapped in thought. “ They call me a modern Washington,” he mused, “and it is certainly true, for" —he glanced at his map— “T get farther off my country every day.” ] MET Dicky Goodboy out walking to-day With his newly betrothed— his heart's queen, And she is a girl of a thousand, they say, But I'd prefer one of eight- cen. GOLDEN SILENCE. Mrs. Beggs—" That Mrs. Grant I met at the hotel last summer is no boaster. Why, I find since I've returned BY GOSH! x (near-sighted )—"* Henrietta routed me out of bed early this morning to catch the early worm—and, by Jove, there it is member that I'm the kind of worm that turns.” Otp Bit, Gonpie —"* Take that, you frisky old cannibal ! and re- home that during the last , by gosh! Bill Smith's yeller hen laid e : . a hand-painted Easter egg. year she has had grip, ty- Pal I coal sou doa't Mey’ ba." phoid-fever, a sprained ankle NE —* Yes, sir; by gosh!” and an operation on her eye. Stas Lence —‘* Wa-al, by gosh !" And on the piazza, when we were all telling our ailments, she never even mentioned one of hers. No, indeed; she is no braggart.” THE EARLY BIRD CATCHES IT. UATE ATHUTY fe Tj ane an 4 hi “4 t F R r ' B ; U : Henry Henrex—"' After this I'm a-goin' to sleep till noon, and i confine myself to a strictly vegetable diet.” comicbooks.com