Judge, 1900-01-13 · page 6 of 16
Judge — January 13, 1900 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces: **"Deferred Resentment"** mocks human nature—a man harbors bitter resentment toward someone who insulted him, but only *after* the money given to him is spent. The joke critiques how financial self-interest suppresses honest emotion. **"An Astonishing Condition"** satirizes flawed logic through a Chicago booster's absurd conclusion: because Chicago's population growth rate exceeds the national average, Chicago's population will eventually exceed that of the entire United States—mathematically impossible. **"South"** is a sentimental poem addressed to youth, nostalgic and romantic rather than satirical. **"Averting a Challenge"** jokes about courtship: a widower compares life to a duel between love and himself; when he asks the young woman to be his "second" (dueling term), she refuses, avoiding romantic commitment. **"A Christmas Recollection"** presents street children comparing Christmas rewards: one received candy for good behavior; the other spent weeks building muscles to rob those good children—cynical commentary on urban poverty and morality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DEFERRED RESENTMENT. 66 LJ OW is it that Dobbs is so very bitter against Fobbs?” “Hadn't you heard? Fobbs in- sulted him some time ago by giving him abit of mon- ey.” “But they have been on good terms until very re- cently,” “Yes; Dobbs restrained himself “Dah ain't no blizzard gwine ter keep me home so long as I got until the money was a mule an’ babl-staves.” spent. ‘Taspy—* This is an outrage. I wasn’t making a sound.” AN ASTONISHING CONDITION. $4 CHICAGO'S population,” began the enthusi- astic resident of the windy city, “has in- creased at the rate of one hundred per cent. for each of several decades, while the population ot the United States has increased at the rate of only twenty-five per cent, But one conclusion can be drawn from such gratifying conditions.” “ And what is that?” inquired a no less enthu- siastic though less logical Chicagoan. iF ; , . “Why, that before many years the population ARO hey ee aleaid TH fame ey Bosra t seppose.” of Chicago will exceed that of the United States.” my young pagan, you the fearless eyes and the hue On your cheek of the ripened peach, And your ringing laugh that brings Swift thoughts of forgotten springs And memory of sweet, passed things Once more in an old mind’s reach. You are like to an autumn day When the brisk wind dents the bay And the leaves are ablaze with gold ; You are like to the fresh, cold air, With the sun-glow everywhere. When the blue of heaven is bare Of ever a cloud to hold. You ate life to your laughter and lips, To your fair young finger-tips You are strength and beauty and truth, Oh, child, a touch of your hand, ‘That my heart may understand The way to that golden land— ‘The lost, sweet land of youth. AVERTING A CHALLENGE. A CHRISTMAS RECOLLECTION. The widower— Life, my young friend, is a duel Jiuay—"'I joined de Sunday-school an’ wuz good fer two weeks, an’ see wot I got fer me between love and me. Chris'mus—a bag uy candy an’ one orange.” The pert young thing—" But don't expect me to Jounxy—"" Ve'r nutty! I spent two weeks gittin’ up me muscle in a gymnasium an’ den stood a on de corner an’ robbed de good kids as dey come out from de entertainment, an’ see w'ot / got fer be your second. me Chris'mus,.”