Judge, 1900-01-13 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 13, 1900 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple unrelated satirical sketches typical of Judge magazine's format. **"Discretion in Valor"** mocks British military confidence by referencing the Battle of Majuba Hill (1881), where British forces suffered an embarrassing defeat by Boer forces in South Africa—undermining claims of English martial superiority. **"Those Dear Girls"** satirizes women's social pretension, where a woman brags about singing without apology, and her companion sarcastically agrees that thoughtless action is superior to politeness. **"In South America"** jokes about political instability in South American nations, depicting a region so accustomed to revolutions that a man sleeps through them undisturbed—suggesting constant governmental upheaval. **"Not Adapted to His Style"** references Filipino insurgent leader Aguinaldo, who considers invading America but abandons the idea because American infrastructure (railroads, trolleys, bicycles) would be militarily superior—satirizing both colonial ambitions and American technological advancement. The remaining sketches target insomnia, coal delivery bills, and stock market speculation with light humor.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DISCRETION IN VALOR. [F BRITONS be not scary In war's supreme intensity, Majuba showed them wary, ‘And hinted at propensity \ Of English pluck to vary \ Taversely as its density. ceonce Moss. THOSE DEAR GIRLS. Miss Squaller—“At the lit- tle gathering this evening I just got up and sang without making any excuses. Wasn't that much better than to have hemmed and hawed and said I couldn't sing?” Miss Caustigue— Certain- ly it was, my dear. Actions speak stronger than words.” IN SOUTH AMERICA. Ss YOUR father,” said the South American caller, “is a remarkably well-preserved man for his age. I suppose he makes it an iron rule to take his siesta each day.” “He always has a sound sleep each day,” replied the hostess. “I have known him many a time to sleep through some of our loudest revolutions without waking.” a “Aw, say! it's simply great.” Peranyn STANK. EVIDENTLY. Epitu—" Percy Hiflyer? Why, I refused him ten * He must have been late getting home that evening. SAD CASE, * G0 YOU suffer from insomnia, do you?” said the physician after the patient had indicated his GETS STUCK JUST THE SAME. The summer days are over, Th uito's hum is still ae em jum is still = Now the coal-man is the hummer Ido, doctor. The only part of me that goes to ‘Who will stick you with his bill. sleep readily is my feet. NOT ADAPTED TO HIS STYLE, . ‘| HAVE been thinking,” ob- served the Filipino officer, “of the advisability of carrying the war into the enemy's coun- try. What do you think of a scheme to invade America?” “Tt wouldn't do at all,” re- plied Aguinaldo. “ Think of the railroads, trolley-cars, horseless carriages and bicycles in Amer- ica! How could we compete with them in speed?” NO SWEET SIMPLICITY. Mrs, Dearborn—" Was it a simple wedding?” Mrs. Dave Orsay—* Sim- ple, with two of Mr. Orsay's breach-of- promise cases. still pending, and a hitch about my decree, and one of the brides- maids backing out because the best man was her former hus- band? Really, my dear, it was one of the completest weddings Lever had.” A FLURRY IN STOCKS. — Butt —*“* St. Paul is certain to— — go up!" Bear—" B, W. and Z, is sure to— —take a tumble !” comicbooks.com