Judge, 1900-01-06 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 6, 1900 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page from New Year's Eve contains multiple brief satirical sketches typical of the era's humor. The "Old Aristocrats" joke mocks newly wealthy social climbers: a Boston blue-blood notes that Chicago neighbors aren't "newly-rich"—they've had money for six whole months, implying old money considers even slight wealth accumulation insufficiently established. "The Significance" burglar sketch appears to reference free-silver debate (a major 1890s political issue), joking that a free-silver orator carries substantial gold—satirizing the contradiction between political rhetoric and actual wealth. "Best Laid Plans" shows an inkstand making resolutions to reform, only to immediately break them—generic New Year's satire about failed resolutions. Other sketches ("Not Fashionable," "Those Long Arctic Nights," "The Latest") are simple pun-based humor about fashion, Klondike gold rush references, and restaurant wordplay. The page is primarily comedic rather than pointed political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ON NEW-YEAR’S EVE. NOWFALL and wind; and light, the soul of day, From earth hath taken flight; And we two, from the far world shut away, Fain prisoners of night. The dim bells cry fro out the crypts of dark Like priests who shrive the dead: A time for grief; but in our hearts — ob, hark, What fantasy instead ! No old-time hope; no love that passed unsung, A mendicant for tears ; No heart-ache like a sere flower kept among The leaves of half our years. FOOT-BALL HAIR. But, oh, what bells that ring. Barner—" Oil, sah?" what pledges true, Rusner—"' Yes.” The false past to assuage, Barwer—" ‘Scuse me, sah, but boss says it'll cost you two i % dollanneeds balf cane What time the new year fully comes into Its golden heritage ' JOUN DAML wore. OLD ARISTOCRAT: Mrs. Beaconstreet (ef Beston)—“* Do your new neighbors belong to the newly-rich class Mas, PoRKENLARD (of Chicago) —** Dear me, no! They've had money for over six months.” NOT FASHIONABLE. T WAS the first time Dorothy had ever seen a bull with a ring in his nose. ** Mamma,” she exclaimed pityingly, “just see in what an unbecoming place he wears his jewelry.” THE LATEST. Waiter—* This is the latest on boiled-beef.” Patron —" What is it?" Waiter— Horseless horse-radish.” THOSE LONG ARCTIC NIGHTS. Klondike matron (wrath{ully)—" What do you mean, sir, by comin’ home in such a state at this un- timely hour? Pretty time o' night for you to be re- THE SIGNIFICANCE. - turnin’ to the bosom of your family.” First BURGLAR—" We're in luck! Here's another free-silver orator.” Klondike husband (humbly) —" Tt ain't so (hic) SECOND BURGLAR—"* Sure ?” First BURGLAR—" See fer yerself! Here's five hundred dollars in gold w'ot he got fer last Very late, m’dearsh. ‘Sonly "bout two (hic) weeks after night's lecture.” "leven o'clock.” BEST LAID PLANS, ETC. INKSTAND (first day of the new Suste—"* There, now ! the first Foes year)—"*I am going to make a new InxstaND—"' Hark! there comes day of the new year and not adrop in —__INKSTAND —‘* Hic! "Rah for resolve and not get full again this Susie. I'l tell her of my new resolve.” may ink-well. I'll make a new resolve nineteen hundred ! year.” and keep it full all year.” comicbooks.com