Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FARMER Yorky—" I'm a-goin’ ter fool them New I'm a-goin’ ter put a snappin'-turtle in this pocket an’ a rat-trap in this pocket, an’ Lord help the poor fool that goes stick- in’ his hand in Abner Greene's pockets this trip" GREENE'S CLEVER SCHEME AND HOW IT WORKED, Farmen Greene—" TM jess stick the ticket right in my hat, where the conductor can see it; then ['ll take a little snooze. ON THE STAGE, Cc ME, let us stroll on this scene togethe "Tis fair stage weather, beneath the flies. We'll talk of love, and the moon shall listen, ‘The river glisten—and all be lies! We'll talk of life, with a grand ideal, Whilst tears are real in those April eyes. Coxpuctor—" Ticket !” HIS SALVATION. Femate missionary—" My poor man, why do you spend your Christ- mas on the island >” Tramp—' Why, mum, et wud be de death uv a feller to. go on de road an’ ax fer hand-outs durin’ de mince-pie season.” OUT OF THE EMER- GENCY. )THS queer that Santa Claus's whiskers Are not as black as night, Descending so many chimneys In his great Christmas fight. But e’en could the chimneys black f They'd black them all in vain, For he'd drive into the snowdrifts And make them white again. THE OLD PUZZLE. OR one brief, delirious mo- ment he dreamed he was CEdipus and just had solved the 1, thy spring-times, thy moons and matins, ke thy pearls and satins, illusions ask. A sigh of sadness pervades thy laughter, And echoes after, thy mirth a task. Few know thy beauty, but small that matters! The world but flatters a painted mask, ‘The lines thou speakest are winged with beauty, With kindness, duty, and virtues due: Phy heart keeps crying that all faiths alter, And friendships falter, and flowers turn rue. And none may dream how thy life is lonely— Alas! that only thy tears are true, Farmer Greene—" Sartain, sartain! Whar did I put it?—— alleged riddle of the sphinx; but upon waking—ob, horrible reality !—he was Browne-Jones trying to give a properly evasive answer to the first pointed questions about Santa Claus put to him by Browne-Jones, jr. 6. —Ob, stop the tain! I'm murdered !” comicbooks.com