Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A BASE DECEIVER. PYJHE MISTLETOE—“I won- der if I'll see any fun to- night. I heard somebody say something about a party. Perhaps it will be this even- ing. 1 wish that girl would stay under me long enough for that chum of her brother's to steal a kiss. 1 know heis dying for one, but she moves away as soon as he comes near. He is a handsome fellow, and I can't see why she should object to his kissing her. Here she comes. How lovely she is! What is she trying to do to me anyhow? If she gives me many more pulls like that I shall fall, There's a man’s footstep! Now she'll run. She doesn't. Maybe it is only “her brother. I believe it is the other fellow! It is so dusky that I can hardly see. He is coming this way, but her back is toward him. What a twitch she gave me that time! He is—he is going to kiss her. Yes, he is putting his arm right around her waist. There! Oh, she thinks it is her brother, for she said, “Why, Fred, you goose!’ That's why she didn’t run, There are more people coming and he has slipped away into the dark. I am sure it was not Fred. What if she should find out her mistake?” He—* What a muss | have made of it! Why didn’t I speak out like aman when I saw that she thought it was Fred? It was mean anyhow to take advantage of the twilight, but how could I help it? She is so beautiful, with such a rosebud of a mouth and such a dainty little waist ! I {eel like a brute to have imposed upon her. Why didn’t [ let her know? I wonder if she would have denied me. But now—such an underhanded piece of business! I shall never dare to look her in the eyes again. Oh, if she should find out!” She—" What have I done? 1—Margaret Ashmead —who am looked upon as the pinkest pink of propriety! Posed under the mistletoe, under pretense of re-arranging it, for the express purpose of seeing if Gurdon Waldo would come and kiss me! Well, 1 found out! What made me do it? And then why did I add deceit to deceit by pretending that I thought it was Fred, How I despise myself! Oh, but isn’t he splendid! Queer he didn't speak. Only the others came in just then, What would he he should ever find out?” A MARTYR, First poy—''I got a licking for Christmas! Boo-hoo-hoo !" COMPARATIVELY LUCKY. NewLywep—" What did you get for Christmas 7” BAcHeLoR—"' Well, I got a bill from my tailor, a notice of protest from my bank, and a hint from my landlady to pay up or leave.” Newzywep—" You lucky man! got a box of cigars from my wife" A CHRISTMAS SERMON. Cobwigger—* There is nothing like Christmas to make a man feel that marriage is a failure. Crabshaw—* How's that, old fellow ?” Cobwigger— Well, a woman seldom has any idea of the value of money, and least of all when the store windows are full of holiday presents. Now, there's my wife, A little change with her now means a month s salary. If I try to reason with her she says I'm mean; that I don't care what kind of a Christmas my own family has as long as my relatives are made happy. It’s a pity a man couldn't kill off his relatives when he gets married, He would have some chance to be happy then. Crabshaw—" Never mind all that. Let's stick to the main point. How much was it your wife wanted 2” Cobwigger—" A hundred.” Crabshaw—" What did you give her?” Cobwigger—" Ten.” Couldn't you afford any more?” Not acent. Of course I gave her a lot'of presents, but NRA Ueno I had to go into debt for them.” Crabshaw—" What made you so short ?” Cobwigger—*Well, 1 have others to think of about this time. 1 had to send the old people forty dol- lars to pay interest on a mortgage. My sister was invited to spend the holidays with a friend in the city and wrote me that she would have to decline because she hadn't the proper things to wear. That took another fifty.” Crabshaw—" What kind of presents did you get your wife?” Cobwigger—" Useful ones— the kind I thought she would like since she joined the woman's com- mon-sense club. For instance, I bought her a barrel of flour, had a new cloth put on the poker-table, and laid in enough coal to last till spring ; and yet she said there was nothing about the house to remind her of Christmas. Now, you under- stand I don’t wish to blow about what I do for my family; I just Stconp Boy—'' Stop blubbering, you fool! I got a bible and have got ter read a chapter uv it every day till i's Wantto show you how unreasonable 1 finished. T'ink uv dat a woman can be when she tries.” comicbooks.com