Judge, 1899-12-23 · page 24 of 46
Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 24: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces commenting on American society circa the Spanish-American War era: **"An Inference"** mocks class distinctions and patriotic privilege. A wealthy man denies gifts to a poor boy, but the boy shrewdly observes the difference: the neighbor's father fought in the Spanish-American War, earning social respect and rewards, while this man stayed home. **"Western Imperialism"** satirizes regional rivalry. A Kansas businessman boasts the West will dominate the East in coming "struggles," but a Boston woman dismissively retorts that Chicago will never cross the Alleghany mountains—mocking his imperial pretensions as absurdly overconfident. **"A Story with a Moral"** criticizes the hypocrisy of wealthy relatives. A poor woman sacrifices to buy gifts for rich Uncle Jack while he ignores her poverty; ironically, his neglect leads to his death in the snow—a pen-wiper might have saved him (suggesting even small gifts from the rich matter). The lighter pieces ("Tommy's Ostrich," "Close Friends") are whimsical humor with social undertones about poverty and class.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN INFERENCE. Cobwigger—" Do you know why I won't give you a gun, sword and pistol, like the little boy next door got ?” Freddie—“\ suppose it’s because his father went to the war and helped lick the Spaniards, while you stayed at home.” CLOSE FRIENDS. Wandering Willie— “What do yer expect fer Chris’mus?” Weary Raggles— “Well, ef I'm committed to de island maybe I'll hev a watch an’ chain.” HIS SURPRISE, Mamma— What did you say, Johnny, when Uncle Hunks gave you a pollar for a Christmas- present?” Joknny—" Huh! 1 didn’t say anything—I fell dead.” TOMMY’S OSTRICH. | bave a fine Loy-ostrich, A door is in his side And from it pour red candies When it is opened wide. He is a kind old ostrich And very good to me— He leaves his door wide open And never has a key. Ob, I am greatly puzzled— WESTERN IMPERIALISM, Mr. Kansasctty—"* The coming struggle in this country will be between the west and the east. The west is aguressive and will undoubtedly take the offensive.” Miss Bosron—'* Oh, nonsense, man ! Chicago will never get east of the Alleghany mountains.” A STORY WITH A MORAL. T WAS Christmas-tide—this could be easily told by the wan, pinched, hopeless look upon the faces of the rich, and the bright, cherry, expectant bloom upon the countenances of their poor relations. A woman ina threadbare cloak had just bought a five-dollar Parisian doll for her hollow- cheeked little daughter, and was now gazing with hungry, searching eyes upon a pile of five-cent pen-wipers. “Ah, me!” she sighed regretfully, “if I could only afford to buy one of those things for rich Uncle Jack—he so likes to be remembered; but no, I need what little I have for my own little ones.” Then she bought a ten-dollar golf outfit for little Jim and a twenty-dollar music-box. for little Nell with the money which Uncle Jack had sent her, and on the way home stopped in at the organized charities and entered a complaint against the quality of her last coal and flour. As for rich Uncle Jack—a kind-hearted cabman found his inert form that night half hid beneath a snow-bank. A pen-wiper might have saved him. A QUERY. Eprru—‘ That chump of a Percy referred to Fido as ‘it’ !” Eruet—" Why didn’t you let ‘it’ go at ‘that’ ?” Yes, puzzled till I'm sore— To know how, when his candy Is gone, he gets some more. Because upon the mantel He lingers all the day And never from the bedroom ‘A moment goes away. And now behind the washstand T think I'll hide to see Just how he makes the candy He loves to give to me. 2 x, MUMKITTRICK. comicbooks.com