Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a MATURE OSCULATORY DEDUCTION. Miss OLDMAYDE—"* How simple of Miss Goodlooks to * go under’ the mistletoe and then resist a kiss from Mr. Dasher!" Miss Serzs—* That's not simplicity; it’s cunning. Miss Goodlooks knows the masculine nature well enough. kiss. As it is, he'll take a dozen.” NO DEAD LOSS. WHILE her husband slept Mrs. Johnson had been decorating a small Christmas-tree with oranges, nuts, persimmons, and many edibles well known to her as particularly pleasing to his palate. At the base of the tree, attached to a chain, was a sleek and sleepy opossum. “Dar!” she exclaimed. “I had reckoned to put dat ‘possum in his stockin’; but I guesses dat it will be de bes’ s’prise fo’ mah ol’ man to see him hangin’ nachul-like on de limb surrounded by all de goodies he laiks to eat.” And with another smiling survey she retired to bed. The next morning Mr. Johnson was awakened by shrill screams, and, hastening to the scene, was notified amid sobs that the onery ‘possum had devoured the sweetmeat surprise in store for hiny during the night. “ Doan’ take on, honey,” said Mr. Johnson after a moment of cha- COPrMONT 1899 BY JUOCE COMPANY OF mEW YORK. If she dido't resist he would only take one grined cogitation, “ Aldough dat ‘possum hab eat de goodies I's fond ob, T reckon dat I'll enjoy de essence ob ‘em all when I dines on him. Dry yo'r eyes, honey, an’ come in de nex’ room an’ feast yo'r eyes on a Chris’- mus quill-bonnet I done bought yo’.” PURELY DISINTERESTED. SSTHE principle of giving Christmas-presents,” remarked Mr. Many- blessed, “may be all right, but I believe selfishness inspires the whole business. Everybody who gives another a present either does so as a return for past favors or as a bait for future ones. Of course there are instances to the contrary, but my wife is the only woman I have known to disregard this rule.” “Indeed 2” replied Mr. Murgatroyd. “ What did she give you?” “She gave me a nice, new nursing-bottle for the baby.” Fraeehle ‘Socket Vilbelas Litho & Pig Co Kew York. AN UNCONSCIOUS EXCHANGE OF CANES. Cuotiy—" Yea; five pounds of your best chocolates, o go to seven haa- dred and eleven Fifth avenue. Ta-ta “Funny how people will stare at well-dressed men!” comicbooks.com