Judge, 1899-11-25 · page 5 of 16
Judge — November 25, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical sketches typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"A Wish"** presents a boy imagining fantastical Thanksgiving transformations—a giraffe neck, boa constrictor body, catfish mouth—to consume more food. It's straightforward juvenile humor about gluttony. **"The Essential Question"** jokes about class etiquette: a candidate claims to enter with "clean hands" (moral purity), but the housewife asks only if he wiped his feet—reducing his pretensions to mundane domestic concerns. **"The Exception"** satirizes frontier vigilantism: a traveling salesman learns that tar-and-feathering occurred in this Arkansas town, yet everyone "enjoyed" it except the victim—dark commentary on mob violence normalized by "respectable people." **"Its Requirements"** references American imperial expansion (Cuba, Philippines, Hawaii) recently acquired, joking that the national "turkey" now needs diverse constituencies. **"Same Weakness"** presents a prison visitor and inmate as morally equivalent—both "sloppy" and "half-baked"—social criticism masquerading as humor. **"Agricultural"** is a pun: "cultivating her voice" sounds like "harrowing"—wordplay without deeper meaning.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A WISH. WISH on jus’ Thanksgivin® day ‘Speck I would make the people laugh, A boy was built a different way, I'd have a neck like a giraffe, Or that he had the power to change A boa's stretchy body, an Himself to any creature strange. ‘A mouth upon the catfish plan, I firs’ would want a stomick big, ‘Then if the day was cold an’ bright, An’ then I'd fix some sort of rig So [ could raise an appetite, To go aroun’ it—there I'd be 1d stuff before I left my seat All ready for Thanksgivin’. See? The dinner that I'd /ike to eat, DWIN L. sami, THE ESSENTIAL QUESTION. Madam, I enter your house with clean hands.” * Did you wipe your feet ?” THE EXCEPTION. S¢TJAS there been anything of impor- tance in a social way going on since I was here last?” inquired the drum- mer who visited the Arkansas hamlet of Polkville one thirty days. “ Wa-al, no,” replied the landlord of the tavern; “ nothin’ in purtickler, except that a feller by the name of Huck Buckle- by was tar-an'-feathered night befo’ last. A big crowd of our best people was pres- sTan laws ent, an’ everybody ‘peared to enjoy the j ; RULCARIA. affair.” LHS ! You don’t tell me!" Wazal, everybody but Huck Buckle- bycanyh f = 5 JUDGE'S WORLD'S FA/R. ye anyon: ) ” No, XXX1V.—SOFIA CADET. ITS REQUIREMENTS. i Salute, Bulgaria! Alexander, Your late herove kmignt-commander, Wueathed 10 you a proud tradition, Aad OW that Cubans, Filipinos army all in prime condition. And Hawaiians all unite, Visttor—" Why are you here, my man?” But, Sophie, gentle-fierce dragoon, Uncle Sam's Thanksgiving turkey Convict—"" Same reason you are, mum, T'm a poor, sloppy. Why chant you now such warlike tune? Needs as much dark meat as white. morbid, neurotic, half-baked degenerate. Whar’gattant soldier wine a kiss? SAME WEAKNESS, AGRICULTURAL. Farmer IHAvrick—"* What's that noise” Mas, Haynick—" It's Jane cultivating ber woice.” Fawmer Hayaick— Cultivating, eh? If I'm any judge, that's harrowing.” comicbooks.com