Judge — October 28, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suge FOR UNIVERSAL PROVISION. WO out-of-town merchants sat in the smoking-room of a Madison-square hotel, recently, and discussed the city over their post-prandial cigars. Said A., “New York is a great town—big enterprises, big businesses, big pos- sessions, big men—everything big and getting bigger. A wonderful city ” * True enough,” assented B, “And there ts one source of pride in this place that always amazes me, and yet I dare venture you would never guess what it is,” “Name it.” The junk-shops.” A, received this serious declaration with such a derisive and incredu- lous laugh that B. turned in his leather chair and promptly said, “ Friend A., | was perhaps only half in earnest when [ spoke, but [ will tell you what I will do. I'll just wager you twenty-five dollars that you cannot come with me to a certain shop here that I happen to know of and ask for any three things that aman might want and not be immediately supplied.” “ Accepted,” said A. promptly, And they lighted fresh cigars and started out on the quest. At a little dingy curiosity-shop just off the Bowery B. paused, with his hand on the latch, and asked tentatively, “All ready?" “All ready,” returned A. “1 have been figuring a little on the way down, and I guess that’s easy money.”” They entered. Behind a counter heaped with knickknacks of every description stood a little weazen-faced man dressed in a blue waistcoat and roundabout. On shelves and chairs and in boxes and drawers lay piled what looked to A. like the flotsam of half the world. The miniature man TOO GOOD TO Last. Briccs—" When I buy cigars by the box the trouble is that they don’t last. ° Griccs—" You don’t buy the right kind.” glance at smiling B.. and said slowly, “I want a second-hand altar-cloth.” B, trembled for his twenty-five dollars and turned toward the junk-dealer in alarm. That in- dustrious fellow, on the instant, had ducked under the counter and was going through a litter of dry- goods like a ferret. Presently he emerged with both hands full. “With lace upon it, or plain vetvet, or plush? Here is a beauty with lilies of the valley in plain silk, and here is a French cloth worked with golden fleur-de-lis. Have you any preference “Oh, none whatever,” returned A. dryly. “ Here 1s your money. But, on second thought, I will not take the goods after all. They would only recall unpleasant memories.” CHARLES FISH HoaLL. GETTING EVEN. Friend —" How did you fellows come to decide against Lawyer Roorback’s client? All the testi- A MISTAKE. : Tue crow—" What's up, Brain? Your hair is all tossed."" ‘snbay was ta bis lavorand Reorback's address was Tie BEAR—* I got some of this honey into it by mistake and tried to get it out with the honey-comb.”” 4 masterly effort. Juryman—" Hub! He began his speech by sayin’ that a word to the wise was sufficient and then talked two solid hours.” glanced up and inquired with professional brevity, “ What can I do for you, gentlemen?” “Lam in search of a rose noble of the time of Henry VIII.” said A. “Do you happen to have any in stock “Ah, how fortunate! Only one. But here it is— an article not called for once Iam not quite through yet. Just give me a nose-ring of a Zambesi warrior. I need one for my ethnological cabinet.” “With pleasure,” said the little man, “That's an easy one. Ethnology, an- thropology — anything you want. Would you like a tri- angle or the ordinary sort?” “IL think the ordinary kind will answer,” said the purchaser wearily. “But I have to trouble you once 1. THE GOLF-PLAYER WAS DRIVING. more: “Hi, Ji 's a golf-player just going to make a A. drew himself up for 2, THE GOLF-PLAYER WAS DRIVING. drive. See him “anake* the ball over the grounds.” the final effort, shot a side- Vinny comicbooks.com