Judge, 1899-10-21 · page 6 of 16
Judge — October 21, 1899 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor: **"Solving a Vexed Question"** mocks women's pseudo-intellectual conversation. Miss Bounce and friends discuss why God created annoying insects. Miss Muser offers absurd "explanations"—mosquitoes exist to create work for window-screen manufacturers; water-bugs justify insect-powder sales. The satire targets women's tendency toward frivolous logic and self-satisfied reasoning. **"Cruelly Deceived"** shows a newlywed wife complaining her husband won't let her beat him at games, suggesting marriage has disappointed her romantic expectations. **"A Stitch in Time"** satirizes bureaucratic dishonesty: a Chicago pioneer admits census reports are pre-filled before actual counting occurs—commentary on government corruption or carelessness. **"A Phrenologist's Reply"** offers dark marital humor: a man's head bumps reveal character based on "how long he's been married"—implying marriage damages men's character. The overall tone reflects period attitudes toward women's intellect, marital discord, and government incompetence.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SOLVING A VEXED QUESTION. HAT were these horrid things created for, any- way?” said Miss Bounce snappishly, picking a black ant off the back of her hand, where it had buried its nippers. None cf her four companions being able to offer a satisfactory explanation on the spur of the moment, she contin- ued dreamily,“ One would think there was no neces- sity for water-bugs, mos- quitoes, or snakes, either; and yet they are all sup- posed to have their uses.” “Yes.” said Miss Muser, thoughtfully; ~ of course. And I can seea reason for mosquitoes and water-bugs.” “What! prised chorus. “Hasn't everybody thought that out?" she exclaimed complacently. “Why, mos- quitoes were made so as to furnish more work for the carpenters who supply window- CRUELLY DECEIVED. screens, I believe; and water-bugs— well, Mas. Youxcwen (sobbing)—"* One of my chief reasons for marrying him was to have some one to play where would the people be who manufacture could beat all the time.” 7 fe: PEO : he play with you now ? ‘e-es ; but he never lets me win a game. Too-hoo !" insect-powder if it wasn't for water-bugs and such things? I'm sure, if I thought deeply enough, I could discover Some motive for the creation of snakes and caterpillars, too.” Then the subject was dropped as presenting no more intricate problems for solution. FRANCES A. SCHNEIDER, A STITCH IN TIME, $+ BUT suppose,” said the Chicago man whose timidity was indubitable evidence that he had lived in Chicago but a short time; “ suppose that the next census fails to give us the anticipated two million inhabitants?” “Impossible !” replied the nervy old urban pioneer. “The census report is already made out, ready for the date and signatures.” 1. Once there was a kind lady who gave food toa flock of hungry sparrows, 2. In return for her kindness the grateful sparrows helped the kind lady. All went well till— — UE A PHRENOLOGIST’S REPLY, Site—" Jack, you're an amateur phrenologist. Now can you tell a man’s character by the bumps upon his head?” 8. —a bad boy came along. JacK—"* Well, it depends upon how long he has been married.” comicbooks.com