Judge — October 14, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

udge EXTREMES. FULL many a twist of phrase and word The English tongue has got for us, For we always think the world is cold When it makes a place too hot for us. MENTALLY DEFICIENT. HEARD at Sassar: “That girl from Kankakee isn't very bright. na AE RE Tapas — “should say not. Why, she THE WISE BEAR AND 1E FOOLISH GEESE. . Goost—** Isn't Mr. Bruin good to rescue us from that doesn’t know enough to get guM horrid beteher man?” out of a slot-machine. * (P. s,—Note the smile on Bruin’s face.) HGus-Dmnee AN EAVES - DROPPER. IN OCTOBER. THE horse and the candidate shine at the fair ith pumpkin and porker the honors to share ; But pumpkin and porker in fame cannot reach The three-minute horse and the ten-minute speech. SUBSTITUTES. First little girl —* Let us take our dolls out to walk.” Second little girl— Allright. But mine is broken.” First little girl —* That's too bad. So is mine, What shall we do Second little girl—" Let's borrow Mrs. Ensworth’s twins.” ONE LEFT ON THE STRING. Dorothy (noticing for the first time an opens eons electric arc-light)—" Goodness! I guess by cll Sem Ce PARSO: INSON —"* st c ‘ob de gout in hi i the looks ene of thé angels musthave booken Parsox Jounsox —"* I undahstand Deacon Jackson hab had a recurrence ob de gout in his left ley Exper Berry. ‘es, it always scems to strike in dat leg! I undahstand de doctor picked out her beads.” shot from it.” BEGUILED. SUN, tse up in de mo Shine on de melon “twix' de rows o' co'n, Melon ripe as ripe kin be— Sight fo hongry coon to see ! Um-m.m, dat watuhmelon ! How it glisten an’ it shine! Dat glis'nin’ watuhmelon, Tt sho'ly do look fine ! Um-m-m—am-m [ Moon rise up in de night, Spahkle de dew on de melon bright. Win’ tote de melon’s honey breff, Hongry coon mos’ sniff hesefl to deft! Um-m-m, dat watuhmelon ! Dew a spahklin’ on de rin’! Oh, dat honey watuhmelon, Te sho'ly do smell fine ! Um.m.m—um.m f Sun rise up in de mo'n ; Whah dat melon ‘twix’ de rows o° co'n? Dat melon wat he glisten on? Ef dat juicy melon ain’ done gone! Um.m-m, dat watuhmelon, wir , It gone f'um off de vine! HE KNEW THE LOCALITY. ; . a Ob. dat Jaley werahmclon | Daucoist (just epened)—"* I want to get these two plate-glass windows insured. What would it cost me? Te sho'ly do taste fine ! Acrst——" Well, the rate would be two dollars a year for the window with the green light in it, and twenty dollars a Unvecer asian week for the window’ with the orange light in it.” 0, MOTT,