Judge — September 30, 1899 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

udge- PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AMD CANADA I ADVANCE. One copy, one year. of 52 numbers + $5.00 One copy, six menths, or 26 numbers $0 One copy. for thirteen weeks 5 facluding the Cunistuas Ju FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS —Te alt Soreign countries im the postal union, $8.00 ‘a yea Evnorean sautsactwrs—/atermational mews company, Bream's building, Chancery lane, E. Cu London: Brentano's. avenue del Opera, Paris: Saarbach's news exchange, blains, Germany. Coraer Fitth Avenue and Sixteeath Street, New York. EW Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly in the world EB NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of J protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. THERE MAY be better polities HE in heaven than here. Major Jones will see about it wheri he gets there. ee HE SULTAN of Sulu has three hundred wives and one hundred and fifty islands. Why so many islands? THE EDITOR of the Rochester Union is sometimes for war He is now pitching into the men ory of old John Brown. cee ‘0 BE CONSISTENT the oppo- sition to expansion ought to labor to get us back to the dimen- sions of the thirteen colonies. CHICAGO, according to its.chief of police, is now entirely clear of criminals, Well, well! So the grass is growing in its streets, is it? fee WALTER WELLMAN hasn't discovered the north pole, but he has succeeded in fracturing his name—or rather one of his legs. [7 1S TRUE that there are too many plural wives in the Philip- pines, but if we come away from there will the number be dimin- ished ? Will yer stake me?” THE MAN who doesn’t like Rud- yard Kipling’s books is largely the minority, but he has found that he has a voice and a moiety of courage. THE TWO PARTIES of Democrats in Kentucky are fighting mad, but they hadn't better begin to kill each other till they get their votes in. A™os CUMMINGS tells of an eel that was caught and which immedi- ately stood on its tail and whipped a dog. Where is the good of a Democratic lie that nobody can believe? It MAY be hoped, we think, that Waldorf Astor will favor an English- American alliance, since a war between the two countries would in- crease his taxes on his American property. eee T IS THOUGHT that John R. McLean will use genuine money in the prosecution of his ambition to be governor of Ohio. believe in silver in theory but not in practice. CY WARMAN has been to the Klondike and says he doesn’t believe a mosquito ever saw that country. Either this man has a very supe- rior article of blindness or all the other adventurers are very superior falsifiers. His followers GOT STEAKED. * Kind friend, I need fi cents t” git back t' me starvin’ fambly in Hoboken. A LAMENTABLE MISTAKE. HE WHIPPING of Mr, McCoy in Chicago was a breach of contract. It was fully understood that the man to be whipped was the other It was Mr. McCoy's duty to see to it that the contract was carried There is too much solar-plexus in these engagements. man, out. A CHECK TO FUN, HE DISTILLERS of Kentucky will limit the output of whisky this year to eighteen million gallons as against twenty million last year. We don’t know of anything more discouraging during an exciting cam- paign such as is on in Kentucky, unless it might be a limited supply of speeches and powder and a scarcity of undertakers. GRANT'S IDEA. HE ANNEXATION of Santo Domingo during Grant's presidency would have saved a great many lives there and brought great addi- tional wealth to us. besides a country for watering-place purposes that would have proved pleasurable and profitable; and if your British friends ask. “Why not now?” it might be well to tell them we're going to think about it. THE COST OF FAILURE. THE WAR, say the aunties, is costing two hundred millions a year. The failure of the war would cost eternal disgrace, to say nothing of the sacrifice of a prestige which has never been impugned. A rep- utation is not to be gained for the mere purpose of throwing it away and submitting to the insults which would inevitably follow. The peo- ple of these states have a right to their national pride. TOO LATE. SOME POPULISTS of the mid- dle-of-the-road kind in Okla- homa call on Bryan to leave the Democratic party. He can't. He has it in charge. His duty is as sacred as that of the army in the Philippines. Shall he drop that par- ty and let it go to the dogs in its own way? Impossible. Would a papa desert his own children? Fancy the condition of those home- less orphans with their leader and protector gone! a Js MALICIOUS EGOTISM. TILLMAN would stop white-cap- ping with the shotgun. The proposed punishment is not too great for that kind of ignorant and vicious intermeddling; but Tillman seems to forget that more than one + party can carry shotguns and that in fact that is the main thing, out- side of whips and tar and feathers, that whitescappers do carry. Per haps a more practical cure would be to hang bells around their necks, so that their victims might hear and run away. MODERN DEMOCRACY. A CLERGYMAN prayed for Aguinaldo in the Ohio Democratic con- vention and got as much applause as did John R. McLean, who was afterward nominated for governor. The platform adopted is against gold, against the administration, against the trusts. and against the army that is alleged to be fighting for the destruction of republicanism in the Philip- pines. However, it is for Bryan and the republic of the late Messrs. Jef- ferson and Jackson. THE SHORTEST WAY OUT. THE FREQUENCY with which the French generals call one another liars indicates that lying is in good part their profession, and it un- doubtedly is. Fighting certainly is not, else there would have been many duels to the death. But the late Colonel Henry was the wisest of the batch. He took the shortest way out of dishonor and a bad scrape by killing himself, and if the others would do the same they would save the world and themselves great trouble. comicbooks.com