Judge, 1899-09-23 · page 5 of 17
Judge — September 23, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"What's in a Name?"** mocks a poet struggling to write about golf, repeatedly changing the spelling ("gowf," "guff") to find workable rhymes—satirizing both poets' pretensions and the sport's awkward nomenclature. **"Sweeping the Decks"** depicts sailors discussing a wife's destructive departure, joking about domestic upheaval. **"She Was Ready"** is a courtship joke: a woman agrees to marriage so quickly that a man discovers the Biblical phrase "now is the accepted time" applies literally. **"An Interpolated Number"** references San Domingo (Haiti) political violence, with patriots joking that an assassination wasn't "on the programme"—dark humor about instability. **"To Be Up to Date"** satirizes naming children after contemporary heroes: Washington, Jackson, Lincoln, McKinley, Dewey—reflecting late-1890s American patriotic fashion. The remaining pieces are brief social humor about marriage, auctions, and gender dynamics. The page reflects Judge's blend of political commentary and domestic satire aimed at educated readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WHAT'S IN A NAME? A POET wished to celebrate His fav'rite game. but cruel fate Gave it a name unfit for rhymes; Even yet our poet knew no ease; For now, an editor to please, Me changed again the fatal word— So, looking back to early times. ‘Published his poem long deferred He dragged allusions in to Rolfe It matters not though critics scoff, To get a perfect rhyme to golf.” For then he gets a thyme to But when hot Scotch began tor ow New troubles gave our poet pain. "But still, as in the days of fable, Stymied in ditfculties great, To please all men no man is able ; He gnawed his pen and cursed his, So he in independence grew fate And sought pronunciation new. In deep despair he scribbled “owl” His trials o'er—he had enough— To geta perfect rhyme to" gowf.” He writes complacently of * guff.” _ STANKWS E> aiproiane S$ WORLD'S FAIR. NO, XXXVI.—POLONAISE Proud Poland ! all thy race inherit ‘The riches of a valiant spirit, With genius of the heart and mind, So you lost your wife last month? Wasn't it a terrible blow ?* Tmpassioned, tender, and refined. t wor a regular tornado. She cleaned out everything in the house before she Asina drat Her daughters’ nawur SHE WAS READY. S4] HAVE been reading,” said young Mr, Frittington, “a discussion about when a woman should say yes to a proposal. “The bible decides that point,” replied Miss Sterling- worth, "Indeed ?” “Tt says, ‘Now is the accepted time. When Mr. Frittington put the matter to the test, two seconds later, he discov- ered that the bible was right. AN INTERPOLATED NUMBER. First San Dimingo pa- friot —" Jiminez says the shooting wasn’t on the vro- gramme.” Second San Domingo pa- triot—" At all events, Heu- reaux hasn't demanded an encore.” PRIMA-FACIE EVI- DENCE. Crawford —* What made your wife think she gave too much for those things she bought at auction?” TO BE UP TO DATE. Crabshaw—" After they Mrs. Suatit—"* Whaffo' yo" boo-hooin’, yo! Geo'ge Wash- y 1 jis- _ in’ton Andy Jackson Abe Lincoln Smiff?" were Enocked down, she dle SEW AT AL So Ab ain’ init no mot. i f Dey’s named de boy nex’ McKinley Sigsbee Hobson bidding against herself.” Dewey. Boo-hoo !"* QUITE A DIFFERENCE. Her nest FeLLow—" They say a woman usually accepts aman at his own estimate of himself.” v BELLE BeNNen—" Oh, they may accept him that way, but covered that she had been they usually marry him on R, G. Dun's estimate.” ~ comicbooks.com