Judge — August 5, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

94 THE ADVANCE OF SCIENCE [8 THE year 2000 lived a man Who was so wondrous wise ‘That he put into his stomach Full a score of oyster-fries. And when the pains beset him sore, *Thout an apparent quake He took the stomach from its place And calmly watched it ache. AS TO POLICIES. First passenger —*Do you favor an imperialistic policy, my friend?” Second passenger—*\ do not. The only policy 1 talk nowadays is*"— But the first passenger had fled. DEACON SKINNER (dolorously)—"' Them New-York rascals took every cent I had, parson.” He had unwarily aroused a life- Parson Goopman—" Too bad, Silas. I was hoping to see you round to our church entertainment to-night.” insurance agent, “AULD ACQUAINTANCE.” IARMED - UP love,” remarked Mr. Secondman, “is all right in a good many respects, but it has its disad- vantages. Now my wife is a good, loyal woman, but things occur fre quently in our private affairs that well might wound the sensitive nat- ure of a trusting, affectionate man, Now of course I am glad that my wife thought a great deal of her first husband—in fact, I should judge from what she says that he was a wonderful, a remarkable man; but it hurts my pride to have her keep his picture and her own side by side in our album. I hated to have her celebrate her crystal wedding last fall on the fifteenth anniversary of her first marriage. I felt melancholy for six months after she gave our boy the full name of her first hus- band. Indeed, I know he must have been a great, noble man, and . she is certainly a true, loyal woman; EY SIRED HIM. but there are some things that I flatly refuse to do, no cies aurea Says Kim over pn wnpee te pee re fer eee “Ah; does she forget and call you by her first hus- a learned person.” band’s name >" inquired the sym- pathetic listener. “Very often, of course; but I don't care for that. Her latest idea is to have me trim my whiskers just as ‘her first husband did his, wear an old suit of his clothes even- ings, and talk through my nose. She says that would make her the happiest wife in the world.” Ww. 6, axooxs. HAD A SURE THING, Citizen—"Why don't you reform and become an_ honest man?” Beggar—No,sir. You don’t catch me giving-up a sure thing for an uncertainty.” UNRELIABLE JOKERS. Lapy—"'I see the comic papers say you fellows | ET one give a can- are often impostors.” Buccar—"' Lady, yer never want ter believe j Yo" see, a catch: ted like d nothin’ yer see in dem comic papers—/ don't. An’ Must provide the can- nnson am in de habit ob catchin’ de fowl first 0. see in d dickens an’ catch a foul: but Johnson am in de habit ob catchin’ de fowl first as fer dem picture-jokes, dey simply makes me tired.” des. an’ den runnin’ like de dickens.” FORCE OF HABIT. Miss Jacksos—"* So yo" don't fink Mistah Johnson will be a success behin’ dlestick and he de bat? comicbooks.com