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Judge, 1899-07-22 · page 10 of 16

Judge — July 22, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

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Judge — July 22, 1899 — page 10: Judge, 1899-07-22

What you’re looking at

This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"The Harp and Spinning-Wheel"** (top left): A nostalgic poem lamenting obsolete domestic items, satirizing romantic idealization of the past. The worn instruments represent outdated traditions. **"Knowing When to Run"** (center): Humorous advice-verse about practical survival—literally running from fights and figuratively from marital/political conflicts. It mocks those who stand their ground foolishly. **"Not Living Up to Her Opportunities"**: Mrs. Newcomb ironically laments she can't develop chronic diseases to use patent medicines, satirizing the era's proliferation of dubious medical cure-alls aggressively marketed to consumers. **"Appropriate Realism"** and **"Cash on the Nail"**: Brief comic dialogues mocking theatrical pickpocketing and hotel price-gouging, with working-class characters (Hamfatter Hamlet, farmers). **"No Hope for Him"** (bottom): Rural humor about a city suitor wishing to be a "homing-pigeon" to stay near a farmer's daughter—satirizing courtship pretensions and country-versus-city stereotypes.

📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘The man 1 62 0 unfortuna troubles of | THE HARP AND SPINNING-WHEEL. if 2 4 :, a 55 ’ 7 oan MIDST a century's dust and dreams x: i ¢ *. : ‘ 3 prise that to ‘They stand, an ancient Bags : at aner them, With battered spokes and broken P - 4 ee 4 at church soc strings, ‘ * “4 5 Upon the garret-stair. a “ , ‘ thysicians ‘The soft caress of fingers white TTA " SS. re nen ‘They never more may feel, ‘ © 7 These relics of the long ago, / . ‘The harp and spinning-wheel. R eae The tunes so sweetly played by this Pe t Z aoe To silence now are wed ; at : jorrnal. ‘The linen smoothly spun by that - . Has gone to wrap the dead. : - ~ — < $ You are For both belong to olden days S, j x pied & Of minuet and reel, pS ie ¥ eines Of pillion, powder, puff and patch, . os esp z . tween us th ‘The harp and spinning-wheel. : § x , \ Ea, le MINNA TEVENG, he best of interest | “Well,” an day before ) she exclaim grestest obj KNOWING WHEN ‘TQ RUN Washangtor ‘Ye secret of success in life When he would be accounted slick Is knowing when to run. If he would In matrimony, party strife, “Tis not the her cl coke Ta busca lost, oF furs Who lives te yond Ue No matter what the scrap may be, It is the bloomi pee pis ato ad Mixed ale or ten-inch gun, Woo knows just when to run, sak won You'll live to tell the story” $o don't be cold molasses ; aM fecn If you know when to run, Don't be a clam, my son pra & \ chump will often try to lick here's loads of hero asses— -— A “cop” who weighs a ton You just know when to run, “Poor n * you looke NOT LIVING UP TO HER OPPORTUNITIES. DOES seem a shame,” declared Mes. Newcomb as she laid down a patent-medicine cir- cular," that | can’t ever have any of these chronic diseases when there's so many remedies to cure them with.” APPROPRIATE REALISM, CASH ON THE NAIL Aunt Maria —"\ should think you'd have a mighty poor opinion of the theayters in New Horen-keerex —* My rates for rooms are two York since you had your pocket picked at one of ‘em.” Soe OP cin i Sie ha Sorolealt's Uncle Elijah—" \ do, b’gosh! but | got through as well as some of the other folks that oie ie te tneciinnt ee am was there. The purty young woman on the stage had all her jewels stolen and her rich uncle's Hamfatter Hamlet, the t n. purty young 8 x ‘ Hotet-Keerer —*Oh,,in your case it will have — will burnt up durin’ the very same act when my pocket-book was tak to be two dollars down.” NO HOPE FOR HIM. Mas. WitrrceTeee—"' I jest heerd that young city feller in the parlor a-tellin’ Eliza he wished he was a bird ” Faxwex WoivrLerxee—* Yaas ; I reckon he'd like ter be a *homing-pigeon " an’ roost here, but I'm dinged if I'll let him.” comicbooks.com