Judge — July 15, 1899 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEN PAW WAS A Boy, I wisht ‘at I'd of been here when My paw he was a boy. ‘They must of been excitement then ‘When my paw was a boy. In school he always took the prize ; He used to lick boys twice his size I bet folks all had bulgin’ eyes ‘When my paw was a boy. They was a lot of wonders done ‘When my paw was a boy. Mow grampa must of loved his son When my paw was a boy! * He'd git the coal an’ chop the wood, \n’ think up every way he could fo always jist be sweet an’ good, When my paw was a boy. Phen everything was in its place When my paw was a boy low he could rassle, jump an’ race When my paw was a boy! Ie never, never disobeyed ; ile beat in every game he played— Gee! what a record they was made ‘When my paw was a boy. L wisht ‘at I'd been here when My paw he was a boy; They'll never be his like agen— Paw was the moddle boy. Bat still last night | heard my maw Raise up her voice and call my paw The worst fool that she ever saw— He ought of stayed a boy. —Georgie in Chicago Times- Herald. *Dilious and blu ged to “brightness and beauty" 's, the Original Angostura Bitters, ge work. Grocer and druggist. \ poet sings: Where Helen comes, as falls the dew, Where Helen comes Peace cometh, too.” It is but fair to say that the lady referred to in the above lines is not the Helen who made so Peace wasn’ much trouble in ancient Troy. sing her footsteps.—Rochester Democrat, Dr. Siegert’s Angostura_ Bitters—acknow!. edged the world over as the greatest known lator of the stomach and bowels. Pater familias ({uriously)—"* You scoundrel you villain! Why did you elope wit ughter?" Mew son-in-lato—"* To av ding.” Paterfamilias (beamingly)— heaven! my daughter got a sensible husband, v York Weekly, PURE, REFRESHING, ANTISEPTIC. For all-round hygienic excellence no cleansing agent compares with | Packer’s Tar Soap. THE CELEBRATED SOHMER HEADS THE LIST or THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. Tt is the favorite of the artists and the refined musical public. SOHMER & CO., Piano Manufacturers Xen York Warerooms, SOH MER BUILOING FIFTH AVENUE, COR. 220 STREET. synonymous terms when my J the rable fuss and nonsense of a society wed- hank He makes rhymes for a sausage trust— They pay him fairly well But to his friends he always says He's writing doggerel. —Cleveland Plain Dealer. “Of what did the faith-curers cure you?" asked the skeptic. ‘Of my faith,” said the ex-devotee.— Boston Herald. A CHEAP TRIP TO THE PACIPIC COAST. ‘The National Educational Association mect- ing at Los Angeles, California, is the occasion for the Southern Railway to put on the remark- ably cheap rate of one fare for the round trip (plus two dollars association membership fee). ‘This, in connection with the new palace tour- ist sleeping-cars, operated over the Southern Railway and the Southern Pacific, a double berth in which costs only seven dollars, renders possible the cheapest and most enjoyable trip Of the season. A particularly pleasant feature of this trip is that the tickets are good going one way and returning another—i. e., going via New Orleans and returning through Salt Lake City and Colorado; or by the payment of $12.50 additional the trip may be made re- turning through Portland, Oregon. Stop-over privileges are allowed at El Paso or any point west thercof, on the going trip, and at any point west of Denver and Colorado Springs on the return trip. By this means pas- sengers are afforded the opportunity of seeing the entire Pacific coast, Side trips are ar- ranged at nominal cost from Ios Angeles and San Francisco to all points of interest in Cali- fornia, Further information may be obtained from any agent or representative of the South- ern Railway, or Alexander S. Thweatt, eastern passenger agent, 271 Broadway, New York. A. J. Poston, general agent, 511 Pennsylvania avenue, Washington, D. C. Ten cents forLen at any cigar store is the price you pay for the very best little cigars in the world. They are BETWEEN THE ACTS LITTLE CIGARS They were the original little cigars 21 years ago, have never been equaled, and now they are the best that can be made. They smoke freely, evealy, chave good flavor, and add nothing to your daily expense for smoking. ewill deliver 50 for 50c. (in stamps) to any one who will try them. American Tobacco Co, 507-529 W. 22d St., New-York City. t t 1 THE LIMIT OP BRAVERY. Although he’s not a hero he has courage with- out doubt ; In times of war he’s always at the front He stormed the hill at San Juan and put the foe to rout, And gallantly he bore the battle’s brunt Time is de mos' successful Ayi | yet invented —Dar ah a thousan’ ob actors an’ actresses who hab nebbah been on de stage.— Civil-service refo'm is a good ting w’en a man ain't got no frien’s wantin’ office —De mortal who tries toe win lub widout respec’ has giner- ally toe git along widout either —As a man grows old he usually grows wiser an’ stronger an’ has a po'rer opinion ob hisse’f.—Touchin’ a man’s conscience don’ amount toe much ; w'en yo" touch his pocket-book dar is bizzness toe atten’ toe.—Arkansaw Thomas Cat. He has traveled o'er the regions of Alaska’s icy plains, And he has safely passed through Afric’s burning sands. He will never shirk a trial, no matter what the 5 fog es'h duty that'commands: “That was a narrow escape, old man,” re- g marked Cinchly as he picked up the fellow who had been struck by a trolley. |“ How do you feel?” ** Well, I'll acknowledge that I fecl a trifle run down,” chuckled the other as he leisurely betook himself away.— Philadelphia Record One day, while he was walking through a crowded street at home, : He stopped a frightened horse’s mad ca- reer} Another time he saved a life by risking of his own, For he doesn't know the meaning of “to fear.” I say he's not a hero, for he never has gained fame, Though’ he certainly deserves a laurel- wreath ; For the only time he ever quailed in any kind of game Was when the dentist tried to fill his teeth. —Edgar A. Guest in Detroit Free Press, Cool Colorado Colorado to summer ts the most delightful place on earth, Ite ellmate Is slinply (0 ts magnificent mountain scenery Is anid to excel the Swiss Alps. There are many attractive resorts In Colorado, tome right In the heart of the Rocktes, and others along the foot-hills, Every taste and can be sulted, Shall we send you a Deautifal book, “Picturesque Colorad: two-cent stamp to prepay postage to ‘T. E. FISHER, Gen'l Pass. Agt,, “The Colorado Road” 117 Jy Cooper Big. DENVER, COLO. It is not so easy for a woman to be masci line. She may wear a man's hat, collar and tie, and all that ; but when it comes to having a headache and making as much fuss about it aS a man would she is likely to fail.—Detroit Raisor—* Don’t put too much water on my hair, My head might leak, and I'd have water on the brain.” Barber—* Why don’t you have your hair shingled, then ?"—Princeton Tiger, COE'S ECZEMA CORE! Sohmer & Co., the great piano-makers, fur- nish every variety of instruments—square, up- right and grand—and are constantly striving to mect every demand. Their success has been phenomenal. ge oar oe Chet we asothers do. — SOME BEAUTY SPOTS OF AMERICA MAUCH CHUNK, THE ALLEGHANY MOUNTAINS, LAKE REGION OF NEW YORK STATE, NIAGARA FALLS, LEHIGH VALLEY RAILROAD. For illustrated descriptive matter, rates of fare,ete., address CHAS. S. LEE, General Passenger Agent, % Cortlandt Street, New York, inclosing two-cent stamp for postage. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! ‘roazera canon aag act battens Full of ‘The Patent Elastic Cord mates Chester's aly reliable cord-end euspenders. Faaltlens ip Gtyle. Quarazteed for aervice. The“ Endwell” model at sHcta. The C.8C. at Sainpie pairn pow tastener free to ¢ odoes, not keep them CHESTER SUSPENDER CO., 5 Ducati Ave, Tioxhury Crossing: Mass Men paint Hope as an angel in thin clothes; But ‘tis not so, Hope is the hay tied o'er a donkey's nose ‘To make him go. —Chicago Record. ‘THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md. SRQNEY Gena AL BEA? ‘be secured Baltimore Ma, Best Line to Cincinnati and St. Luis—NEW YORK CENTRAL, comicbooks.com