Judge — April 29, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN THE UNITED STATES. ** Here, that’s an awful ciga “Well, you asked for an im- ported and I gave you a German ci- gar. If you had asked for a domestic T might have given you a Havana or a Manila.”* UNFINISHED BUSINESS. 8S WHY do you cry little one 2” “Ob, I'm just finishin’ up a spell I'd begun yesterday when Billy Wiggins come over to play.” AT THE HOSPITAL. Kind - hearted visitor —"\ Suppose you are as happy as pos- sible under the circumstances, poor boy. I am told you want for nothing.” Patient (wearily) —" 1 do — er—very much indeed.” THE CHEERFUL MORALIZER. ISTEN, my boy, to what I tell ; Listen, my lad, and mark it well. Take the advice of old Jim Brill— Never get married (but I know you will). Always settle as you go, Then a penny you will never owe, Never borrow money or run up a bill— Never do that (but I know you will). Moderation is the thing— Never take more than one gin-sling ; Don't think your stomach is a copper-still — Never get loaded (but I know you will), Always stick to the good and true, Never let the devil get a hold on you ; Then when you come to your final shunt You'll toboggan to heaven (but I know you won't). A DISSERTASHUN ON BICIKELS. BICIKELS hav kom to stay and the Darwean- yun thery is spurting rite ahed. Bicikels ar good instrucktors ; they teech u the onsirtainteas ov life and that it is ezier to lern a hen to crow than to keep ur eqlibrum na kontankrus bike. Mules ar aimibility pursonified beside sich. 1 rid one onse, leestwise I hired it for that purpus ; but me and the bike disagreed. To dollars and a haf for repairs and a disinclinashun on mi part to sit THe RADISH—" Good heavens! If I'd known they had planted me next an onion-bed I'd never come up at down much, was the sekwel. Bicikels beet awl matrimonial burows hollow. Thare’s more matches made a-biking than enny whare else. With ur best gurl on a tandum ur chansez ar to to one. Go ahed, yung man,, and pop. Procrashtinashun is a unrelieabel fello and a punktured tier is not kondosieve to spooning. Biking xpands the muscels, espeshally when the masheen ko- lapsiz about ate miles from hom and u hav to foot it back. OLD AGE THE HUMBUG. ‘There’s no old age, We mount life's ladder rung by rung ; At twenty-five We're old—at sixty we are young. BAD NEIGHBORS. rf ZS 1, He brought her sweet bananas as a simian— 2. — Kept her in lotus-flowers in their Egyptian reincarnation a noe Ta Supplied her with slaves in the Roman Freahde-L o Goes house t sequuenc an hour their ¢ The things fairly her rich oriental stuffs from the 5. —— Presented, her with costly Sedan-chairs in 6 —— Bat when she became his he kicked like a colonial days — thirteen-inch rifle over a five-dollar spring bonnet. ANCIENT AND MODERN COURTSHIP—A TALE OF THEOSOPHY, comicbooks.com