Judge — April 15, 1899 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE lyric pulse of spring See the driver of the van Dance and prance in all the glee Of a frenzied ecsta-see, Like the ancient bounding Pan, SURE OF ONE RESULT. sep HAV remarked notion,” the emperor of Germany, “to try a little debate- -arms with those Americans.” * But, most. puis- sant and imperial sire,” replied the government attaché, “they might yet the best of us.” “That's true enough; but we could give them such a scrap that their war-investi- gation would last for the next half-centui THE MAIN AT- TRACTION. Mamma—" Well, Gracie dear, whom did you see at Sunday- school 2" Gracie—* Oh, ev- erybody, mamma, but Jesus, and. they said He was out calling. The song they sang was, “Jesus 1s calling, calling to-day.” JUST LIKE THEM. Mrs, Findfault— Now John ‘s gone and got his life insur- But, then, he’s just like all other men, They have everything done for and themselves, think of their poor, slaving wives.” never Miss Hicuptower, Miss VAN ANTLER—" Up or dow: XTV+ Q A MOVING MORCEAU. AN trange we have never met before. Watch him mad fandangos whirl While the spring-time’s fairy train Smiles to see him dive and dash, While his eye-balls roll and flash In the lilac’s purple reign. INFERENCE. T have moved in society now for five years.” That blithe train will never know “That the thoughts he cannot gulp Curse the wild, untamed, unloosed Folding-bed that quick reduced All his knuckles into pulp. eK, MUNKITTRICK, A BRUTAL DE- CEPTION. sePOT Abraham D Skezinski_ vos a heartless bractigal joker.” said Mochs Kohen to a business acquaintance. “Did he April- fool you der first ohf der month ?” asked his ons 64 Rosy an ye aia mean Sowa replied Mochs dolefully. “ He told me mein shtore vas in flames, und der ful news vas a hoax.” FORESIGHT. Abner— wants a new gun pur. ty bad, but says he’ goin’ ter wait a while “fore gittin’ one. Hiram —" What ‘Whe wait fer?” Abner —"Ob, he says that after them European nations take up that there disarma- ment plan guns is go- in’ ter git mighty cheap.” REVENGE. Sagebrush Sam— * What did the widder say when yer told her we'd lynched her ol man?” Cactus Charlie— = She said she'd git even if she had to mar- ry the hull gang.” THE USUAL WAY. IX the highest class in Pokerville’s public school Was composed of six male scholars— five bright ones and a fool. ‘Tom Jinks was browed like Webster, and for him we prophesied He would shake the halls of congress with his voice before he died Rube Perkins looked like Dickens, the immortal Copperfield, And we envied him the glory that his fertile pen would yield Josh Martin looked like Vanderbilt, the multi-millionaire, And he'd tell us how he'd help us with his “* wad” when he got there. Bill Morris looked! like Bonaparte, who shook up Europe's kings. And we knew when Bill got started how he'd smash the trusts and rings And one lad looked like Lincoln, he who set the black man free, And I felt a trifle nervous at Abe's fate—for that was me. And that was all—except the fool, pug-nosed, h tangled hair ; He didn't look like any one—what's more, he didn't care. "Twas more than thirty years ago that this fair class was whirled From off that school's periphery to paralyze the world. But Jinks. who looked like Webster, never got to congress called, Yet he's like old Daniel some ways—for he's pretty constant * balled And poor Rube, who looked like Dickens, raised the dickens till he got Raising other folks's cattle down in Texas and was shot. I saw "Vanderbilt" last winter, with straw hat and frozen nose ; Josh Jooked a multi-millionaire, if reckoned by his woes. ‘And Bill Morris, ** Bony's” counterpart, is juggling kings and queens Dealing faro at McCorkle’s, while his fam'ly lives on beans. And the boy who looked like Lincoln—that was me, as I have said— Would thank any kind assassin that would shoot him through the head But that pog-nosed, freckled, backward slob we all thought was a foo) “Cause he didn’t look like any genius, ‘cording to the rule— Why, he owns two lines of railroads, and he owns a line of boats, And he carries state assemblies in the pockets of his coats ; And he's been four times to congress, and he’s fooled with kings and ueens, For he's been ambassador, you know, to Russia and Salot Jeems: And he's wrote more than’a dozen books. and some day he will fill Old Abe's chair in the white-house—ugh! it really makes me ill. And I've about concluded that the youth who yanks the bun Is the modest. backward kidlet that don’t look like any one. For all those great men, don't you see, as through this life tl Have * worked” for all there's in it that particular ‘ physog And the boy to hiplock Mother Fame and win in fortune’s race Is the boy that brings into the game a brand-new face. comicbooks.com