Judge — March 11, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE “SWAP.” #6 D)ID ye bear “bout the swap thet Si Jenkins and Rube Perkins made yestiddy ?” in- quired the honorable Tom Harkins of Texar- kana, Arkansas, of the little knot of kindred spirits gathered about the grocery stove. “No,” said the grocer, interested at once. “Wot did they swap — hossis ?” “Yes.” replied the honorable Tom, “and I'll tell ye all ‘bout it. Si offered to swap that Hambeltonian colt uv his fer Rube’s bay mare and fifty ter boot. They got into a little argiment ‘bout the mare's off hind-leg. and Si, getting a trifle rumpcious, pulled his gun and took ashot at Rube. The bullet missed Rube and hit little Willie Beasly, w'ot was stand- ing by the roadside eating a candy-cane, in the stummick. Willie on’y lived a few min- utes, but ‘fore he died he drew 4/s gun and shot four times into Si’s house. killing Si’s darter Sal and seriously injuring his prize setter-dog and his grandmother. Then Rube, seeing as the Beasly family wuz unwarrantably a-interfering in the swap, drew brother's son-in-law, through the lungs. Then, uv course. Jake had to draw too, but being as there was suthin’ or other the matter with his. gun he couldn't do nothing. I s‘posed ye'd all heard "bout it ‘fore this. Jes’ wrap me up half a pound uv saltines, Ike. and I'll be going ;* and picking up his bundles Mr. Harkins walked out of the store. “ The worst thing about Harkins 1s,” said the grocer disgustedly. as the Harkins form disappeared in the distance, “that when he's got anything real interesting to tell he has to ring in so many petty details as to forget the main part of the story. You notice the long-winded j FOOT- PRINTS. mule-walked right off without saying how the swap finally come out, Mildred. Mildred, George. Mildred, George, Mildred, George. pa- how much Si got to boot, or anything definite about the mare's off Papa. pa,and George retour. hind-leg whatever.” A WINTER NOTE. | HERE is a moment of supreme suspense Still on we go, pretending not to see | That only ia the ghostly winter-timne The urchin, who is well aware we're sore Our spirit fills with agony intense With creeping apprehension, and his glee | That ofttimes soars to starry realms sublime. Consists in knowing that, unto the core, ‘Tis when we wander slowly down the street We're aching in a frenzy of despair And note the small boy with a nimble grace ~ While vainty guessing with dire bodings fraught ‘The snow-ball formulate, while smiles most sweet How soon that sphere of snow will cleave the air Of grim anticipation light his face A And stop itself against our dome of thought. 2, K. MUNKITTRICK. WHIST TERM, His long suit. HIS SARCASM. . *ER +H'M! rasped the Kohack philosopher, rising grimly in his place in the midst of the meeting where- at the question of repainting the town-hall had been voted down on the score of its being an un- necessary experise. “Now that it has been decided that paint is reckless extrava- gance, and a care for outside appearances is vanity -and frivolity, | move that the town purchase a rein- deer. Once bought, the critter would cost nothing for its keep, and as an object-lesson to the risin’ generation it would be worth several times its price every year. The reindeer subsists on’ moss, and the animal would wax fat feedin’.on the luxu- riant crop of that kind of herbage which grows on the backs of the promi- nent citizens of this village. Ar-r-r-r-r! "Ting wm CCN ON BROADWAY. ‘What s the matter ?” OWN deep—or not so deep—in most men’s hearts is the belief that no man Secs is one of those Zula missionaries trying to get converts can be a fnend to them unless he hates every one whom they hate. to their fait Ads gun and shot ole man Beasly dead and Jake Martin, ole man Beasly’s - comicbooks.com only fi Buffalo of the | luxurio smooth Its pos You st Grand | ond cit from tl that of "The J parrot- only in underst pec reliabili The | writer 3 forward