Judge — March 4, 1899 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CHAMPION’S ROOM. of the lowest pits of hades, It was so warm that the cheek of the yellow jour- nalist perspired freely, and he asked for a fan. The attendant, whd was a polite lit- tle devil. handed him one with a low bow. He pointed to a thermometer in which the mercury was bubbling: : ‘4 Ee “This floor,” he said, “ we keep ata hee an my constant temperature of three hundred and 3 a N - ye mA J 7 ten.” He pressed a button in the wall Las DU and a large zinc trap-door opened in the J floor. Looking down curiously, the yellow journalist saw several red-hot grills, upon which men with long chin-whiskers sat in evident discomfort. Around their cages, the wires of which were red-hot, hung signs saying, “ Ring twice for ice-water, but you don’t get it.” “And who are these poor men?” said the yellow jour- nalist. He was something of a liar himself, and he felt sorry for them. “ These,” said the little devil, “are all men who owned hotels. Each man's house was on the highest point of the Catskills.” iiabididiniila : Sa SPRING BITTERS. a, // id t , Major Drinkeruri Did yo’ evah take spring bitters kun?” * Covonet Onceacain—"I did, suh. T was married in April.” “That is a mighty ingenious idea,” said the yellow journalist. * It is a shame to let this room go to waste—it is a dandy.” “Oh, we are not going to waste it.” said the little devil. “* This room is for the cS champion liar, and we haven't had any one we thought quite worthy until now, Will you just drop in, or would you prefer to 5 be pushed? Step lively, please.” KATE MASTERSON. A FOCUS ON THE CROCUS. H, NOW the trembling crocus Its golden flame puts forth And dances to the music That whistles from the north, Upon the waning snowdrift ‘Tis waving, wind-begirt, HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION. A jewel on the bosom SHe—" Oh, Josh! how could yop think of kissin’ me here?” Of spring-time’s shining shirt. Josn (apologetically)—"* Wa-al, yer see, Mary, when | see the curtain go down I couldn't resist.” RM, MUNKEFFRICK, He shut the trap-door with a clang and, turning a crank in the wall, he dis- closed a plate-glass window, through which the yellow journalist gazed in horror. “This is the electric-needle room, occupied exclusively by dressmakers and milliners who promise to send home hats and gowns at certain times and then dis- appoint their customers. The floors and ceilings, as well as the walls, are fitted with electric needles, which makes a sitting or standing position almost impossible. We consider it a very neat idea ourselves.” The yellow journalist made a note of it. He wished he had brought his camera. This story would be one of the biggest beats of the year. The attendant led the way down a skeleton stairway. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said; “1 am going to show you one of our star rooms.” He pulled a string somewhere and the wall opened and disclosed a large apart- ment, the ceiling of which was composed of descending pile-drivers, which came : c A GOOD IDEA. down on the red-hot floor in a series of m Dexpin Love—"* What's the best day of the week to get married on, old chap?” mighty bumps. Happer Kw "Friday, my boy ; then you'll have something to blame it on to afterward.” comicbooks.com