Judge — March 4, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SCIENTIFIC CIVILIZATION. WE LL civilize them Philippines ; We've got the men and got the means. We'll civilize them Philippines: We'll feed ‘em Boston pork and beans, And make ‘em read Miss Laura Jean's Entrancing tales of fact'ry queens : MEDIUM. And forty hundred New York “' sheens” Will sell “em misfit gabardines : «Fry me twoaigs.” And green-goods men will sell ‘em “greens,” pies lala om And bunco-men and go-betweens : Will show ‘em what a“*cold deck” means _Willl you have them ‘And put the whole push in tureens. done—hard ? Oh, yes; 'twixt hoodoos and thirteens Trishman— We'll civilize them Philippines. Irishman — HIS VIEW. . *PAUGH 1 said the canned-meat contractor; “don’t tell me the meat was bad. The stomachs of the men were weak; that’s all.” No. Vil, LITTLE CHRYSANTHEMUM, Cosmopolites wha haply go As far distant as Tokto, Say you don’t need to fry to please— You fascinate with (Japan) ease. But since they do not bring you back, O bit of female bric-d-brac, We wish you—widow, maid or wife, Athome a happy, Jappy life. ONLY NATURAL, T SOUNDS well to say that Uncle Sam is glad that the war A FREQUENT OCCURRENC is over. It is true, too, in a degree. Yet there are moments Lapy—"" Were you never brought up to work for a living?" when the old gentleman, in the privacy of his back-yard, kicks BeccAR—"* Oh, yes. De last time I was * brought up’ I worked ten days.” up the earth and mutters, “ Bring on another country! A DECIDED DIFFERENCE, “They say marriage is a failure.” “There's a great difference.” “Why?” “In marriage the wife takes the husband's name, and in a failure the husband takes the wife's name.” comicbooks.com