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insult put upon it by a money-offering to salve its wounds, takes in that twenty million dollars from Uncle Sam ell,” said pir John Durbeyfield in proposing to sell his title, “71° take a thousand pound. Well, I'll take less when I come to think o't‘Tell'n he shail hac itfora hundred. But I wou't stand upon tritles Tell'n he shall hae it for fifty—for twenty pound, Yes, twenty pound ; that's the lowest. Dammy. family honor is family honor. and 1 won't take a pecny less "Courier-Journal. Cook's) Imperial ‘Isa delicious wine. Champagne) “ Muffins, the book-keeper tells me that you have lost the key of the safe and he cannot get the books.” “Yes, sir; one of them. Vou gave me two, you remember.” ‘Yes; I had duplicates made in case of accident. And the other?” “On, sir, I took care of that. T was afraid I might lose one of them, you know.” ‘And is the other all right?” "Yes, sir. I put it where there was no danger of it being lost. It is in the safe, sir."—London Punch. | Persons afflicted with dyspepsia, diarrhcea, or colic will find immediate relief and sure cure in De. Siegert’s Angostura Ititters. * The people of the United States think that their customs ougkt to set the pace for the whole | world, don’t they?” said the king of Spain. | “It seems so,” answered Sagasta. “* Well, the idea is absurd on the face of it. American in- | stitutions are all right in their place; but im- | agine me trying to write a ‘Thanksgiving proc: | lamation ! It would be idle to attempt to prove the popularity of the Sohmer piano. Every child in the United States and Canada knows the Sohmer. Our braves who were denied a view Of war ‘mid Cuba's stirring scenes Spain, with all its talk about honor and they Now fight with hero valor through ‘The pages of the magazines, ~ Denver Post, A little girl in the Sunday-school, when asked for the definition of a lie. said, “A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in the time of trouble." —E/mira Gazette. | \F. YOUURE VA IS PERFECTION. We will send on receipt of (0c. a sample to any address. Catalog free. THE CELEBRATED SOHMER HEADS THE LIST or THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. It is the favorite of the artists | and the refined musical public. SOHMER & CO., Piano Manufacturers ‘New York Warerooms, SOHMER BUILDING FIFTH AVENUE, COR. 220 STREET. \ with a safety-razor.""—7id-bits, BROTHER WILLIAMS'S CONFESSION. Brother Williams riz in meetin'— said wuz somethin’ on his mind. I'm about the hardest sinner that the church could ever find 1 used to go ‘exhortin’” when the craps wuz lookin’ slim, An 1 took up a collection after every blessed | hymn, ‘An’ thar never wuz sich singin’ in the coun try round about Tsung ‘em an’ I sung ple out; Till they hollered when they seen me, when | my singin’ ways they knowed, *Thar's ole Collection Williams jest a-racki down the road.” ‘em till I wore the peo- Says the preacher," Brother Williams, I am glad you told it plain ‘The money you collected you can give the Lord 9g: We're ncedin’ of a steeple an’ a church bell hereabout So ease your conscience, brother, the dollars out.”” jest shell Brother Williams grabbed his beaver, an’ he started fer the door. Never seen him look so solemn in his singin’ life before. An’ he hollered to the preacher, "* I'm a-goin’ ‘of my way, | As fer this congregation, I'm unjined from it this day Atlanta Constitution, Use Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup at ance If your child has croup of bronchitis. Was € no time; delay may be dangerous. Dr. Rull’s Cough Syrup cures at once. It tsa safe and infallible remedy. All drug- gists sell it for 25 cent Tt seemed to me her raven hair Was just the best that grew ; But now, alas! it's come to pass That she has crow’s-feet too. —Cleveland Plain Dealer Hoist a hostile flag in Africa, a thousand miles from anywhere, and a Iiritish army will start in that direction at once. — Philadelphia Ledger, Examiner —" Want to enlist as an army norse for Egypt, eh? Had any experience ith the sick and wounded?" Farr applicant— “should think so. I've four brothers, every cone of ‘em a scorcher, and pa shaves himsell | They had gi and were flee’ tired?” asked Lot. “1 feel quite fresh yet.” she looked back, and the freshness ail went out of her. — Chica; * Just think how sciousness of power of the number of people that a queen rules! “Oh, I don't know,” he replied." Unless she happens to be married, I don't be Chicago Po: PRUDENTIAL STRENGTH OF GIBRALTAR Liberal and Profitable Life Insurance Policies for Indie viduals and Business Firms The best of all that és good in Life Inserance Amounts, $15 to $50,000 - Premiums payable Yearly, & Halt-Yearly, Quarterly, or Weekly, 2am) Profit-Sharing Prudential Policies eT HE (PRUDENT NSURAN CE*SCOM; vy mentianing aetna en ‘The young man recalls divers damsels who | have refused him since last Christmas, then whispers tenderly, worthy of you.” And there is the sob of a lost soul in his voice. * ‘That's precisely what papa | and mamma think, George,” she replies. And for along time thereafter he is silent.—Har- lem Life. May. I am utterly w beyond the suburbs of Sodo wz toward Zoar. “Are yo No, Tribune, MAPS FOR READY REFERENCE. ‘The Chicago. Milwaukee and St. Paul Rail- way Company has just issued in convenient form for household, library and school refer- ence an atlas of seven colored maps of the | world, the United States and our new posses. sions in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, togeth: er with an amount of valuable information con: | nected therewith—all up to date. will be sent free to any address on receipt of six (6) cents in postage. Apply to George tl. Heafford, general pas senger agent, Old Colony building, Chicago ; or to William Kelly, jr.. general eastern pas- senger agent, New York, is atl A neglected infancy was his, For in his babyhood Photographed was he ten times, Tut never in the nude. — Detroit Journal, he said, Just thi e she | really so much of a ruler as most other women.” t ( 10 ») 10 YEARS YEARS OLD / OLD / Semone Re fl The Purest Type OP THE Purest Whiskey. Gold at all First-class Cafes acd Jetbers. WM, LANAMAN & SON, Baltimor replied his wile: Presently, however, ightful must be the con The antnorities at Oxford have informed undergraduates that brown boots must not be worn at examinations. It is the daty of these authonties to pluck as many men as possible, but to don their boots seems like adding insult to injury. Vethaps, however, they insist upon blacked boots because they are determined that all candidates shall shine brilliantly at one end |or the other. —Zomdon Glob. mm pu | Ir. Noodle?" trary, I believe wo one." — Brooklyn Life, Save half a your money Do not throw it away in half-smoked cigars! | Youwill find that 50%, of your cigar money is thrown away every day if you recall how few cigars you really have time to smoke ‘‘up.”” BETWEEN — THE ACTS LITTLE CIGARS , cost 10 cents for 10; |, they are pure—clean —all good tobacco, and are in every way a | very satisfactory short smoke. Let us send you 50—to try. We will deliver them at ee club, office, or ome for 50 cents. American Tobacco Co, 1 507-529 W. aad St., New-York City. ** Do you believe in expansion, Noodle—"* No; quite the ‘in maki las nk is A Leslie’s Weekly GRAPHOPHONE CLUB __em, provides vou with our 19,00 combina- tion for $1.00 a week for 15 weeks. The most successful and satisfactory plan for installment pavments ever tried. Write now for full particulars, LBSLIB'S WEEKLY cagency Dept 110 Fifth Ave., New York. AGENTS WANTED, MONTEBELLO BRUT 1880—Finest and oldest Champagne on the market. comicbooks.com