Judge — February 11, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suage ° WHEN THE TIDE WENT OUT. 1. Fisuexman (bay of Fundy) ter run out : p'raps they'll bite the Fish ain't bitin’. THE LANDLORD'S STORY. **TTHAT sawter reminds me,” began the loqua- cious landlord of a backwoods Arkansaw tavern, addressing the sojourner from the north with whom he had been swapping yarns, “of a little thing that happened a couple of years ago. “Tell you how it was. A gent livin’ near yere— well acquainted with him, myself—traded for one o° them thar half-wild Cherokee cows, which is usually about two parts maniac and three parts catamount ; this speshul one was a little mo’ gifted that-a-way than common. One of her peculiarities was a re- luctance to bein’ milked. Thar were many ways in which she couldn't be milked, and only one in which she could be. That was by runnin’ her head through the fence, bringin’ a bar down across her neck and nailin’ it fast, and then tyin’ her legs to stakes driven into the ground. Then, after takin’ his life in one hand and a bucket in the other, the gentleman would sometimes manage to extricate a pint and a half of pale, feeble-lookin’ milk from her. “ One evenin’ the gent went out into the gloam- in’, as they say in stories, anchored the cow hard and fast, as he s‘posed, and sat down to titillate her—so to describe it. A little later the varmint switched 8. Fiswmrsman (with a yell) —"* Holy salts! Is that a yin’ I might ez well take a snooze till tide b’gins fish I've caught, er what 7” her tail, which he had forgotten to make fast, twistin’ ‘one of the long hairs around his favorite front tooth, and snaked the fang out of his head as prettily as a dentist could have done it. This sawter aggravated the gent, and he grabbed the tail and tied the fly- brush firmly to his boot-strap, laughin’ ironically to himself as he did so, While he was still engaged in gittin’ his mirth out of his system the cow lunged, the stake-ropes broke, the fence gave way, and the gentle animal tore down the broad road that leads to destruction like a singed bat emergin’ from the pit of torment, takin’ her unfortunate owner with her. * He tried to check his flight by clawin’ nervous- ly at everything within reach, but on they went, the cow blattin’ like a lost soul that had been shot in the back with a box of carpet-tacks, and kickin’ her mas- ter at every third jump. At length they burst into the midst of a darky camp- meetin’ down by the creek. The preacher had been prognosticatin’ the speedy arrival of Satan, and the congregation had already begun to wall their eyes over their shoulders, and so when the horned-and-hoofed visitor bulged in among ‘em with a rush like a half-grown cyclone it was not surprisin’ that the meetin’ should be ad- journed considerably pro tem. “The congregation, thinkin’ that the Old Harry had got thar, fell all over themselves and each other in their efforts to escape, and right through the midst of ‘em went the cow, knockin’ the seats into splint- exs.and the pulpit as high as the tree-tops. Her owner was switched around a saplin’ and left thar tied up in a true-lover's-knot, with a large and unct- uous old aunty settin’ on his head. “ This episode caused a good deal of talk, and as the gent had alwers been a waggish sort of feller the belief got circulated that he'd done it all for a joke on the darkies. 1 never believed it, though, for he wasn’t the kind of a man that would carry a joke so far that the point was all worn off of it. But, all the same, the story was credited by a fine-lookin’ widow-lady that he was engaged to, and she threw him overboard and married an Episcopalian. It was all considerable funny to everybody else, but I don’t reckon the poor feller that was dragged and ripped and torn and jilted, and so on, ever managed to squeeze much enjoyment out of “Ha! ha!” laughed the northern man, when the recital was done. “That is a rattling good story, but—ah—who was the gentleman who had the painful experience ?” “Well,” returned the landlord sheepishly, “I don’t know as I ought to tell it on him, but—er —h'm!—it was me.” ‘Tom 7. MonGAM. comicbooks.com won't Cook Impe Chan “Mu have lo the boc gave m duplica other ?” afraid | “and | put it lost. | Persi or colic in Dr. oT their c world, “It se idea is stitati¢ agine | lamati Iv populs in the Sohme fe d Ali for th abomi help i