Judge — February 4, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIS VULNERABLE SPOT. HAVE learned durin’ my long and, I flatter myself, useful care marked the sage of Kohack condescendingly, addressing collectively the group of his fellow-villagers assembled around the stove in the corner grocery, one cold day, “quite a good many valuable truths. Among them is that you can’t pull yourself out of trouble with a corkscrew. Another is that in many cases liberty is simply the right to interfere in other people's business. 1 have noticed, too, that when a woman can have herown way just as well as not she immediately doesn’t want it that way; and also that a good many men go through life lookin’ some- how as if their wives had caught ‘em at it.” ‘The veteran slowly unfolded his form and gradually rose to his feet, grasped his staff more firmly, and began to move toward the door, still talking. “have observed that nearly all of the men who have gone to look for the north pole have been married men. I have learned that nothin’ exceeds like excess. Everybody | knows the old sayin’ that the man who hesitates is lost; but I am convinced that it ain’t true that the woman who hesitates is: lost, for the simple reason that'there nev- er was ‘a woman who didn’t hesitate. Last .and greatest of the truths which I have acquired durin’ my pilgrim- age through life is By this time the sage had got the door open and was in the act of passing out in order, after the manrer of certain persons, to hold the door ajar and fill the room with cold while he made his concluding remarks. Just then, however,‘his foot slipped on the icy steps and he came down with much vehemence. Instantly there was a crackity-pop, and as he sprang to his feet a burst of sulphurous 2 flame flashed out of the tail of his coat. With the agility of a kangaroo the old man leaped out into the snow, a pile of which he quickly HOW PRIVATE VON ROBBENHEIM KILLED THE LION. HIS LITTLE JOKE. VO dudes went in a restaurant, And as they passed within its gates T heard the waiter murmur low, raked together and sat himself down in, thus speedily extinguishing the conflagration. “Waal,” after it was all over comment- “True, ‘All things come to him who waits ed Hi Stackpole, who had more than once been lacerated by the sage’s sharp tongue and was therefore prone to be captious, “the ‘squire knows a good many things, such as they are; but for all that it kinder strikes me that when a grown méin ain’t got any better sense than to carry'a box of pop-matches around in his coat-tail pocket he is, in some respects at least, a blame fool.” TOM Pr, MORGAN, A WRONG TITLE. Aspiring author —*What do you think of my latest novel? Publisher— The title is not in con- sistency with the plot. You call it‘ Sealed ips, and then you make the heroine a woman of the present day.” MOONLIGHT SONG OF THE MOCKING-BIRD. war time the night, forgetting old regrets, Had made itself most fair, And soft south winds in woodland minarets Thrilled like dim calls to prayer, Sudden, 2 fleck of song across the bar Of silence drifted plain, And then was gone ; and echoes fled afar, Calling the vanished strain, OUT OF HIS ELEMENT. Divintry stupent (foliiely) —“ Could I assist you in any way, miss?” FAIR sconcner (tearfully)—" Er—yes—if you would be so good as to swear a little.” My heart, my heart, what token came to thee ; ‘What hope, in sorrows drowned ? Was it one soul, thy love in years to be, Tmprisoned in a sound ? JON DAML waiTR, | comicbooks.com