Judge — January 14, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRUE BLUES. +e THINGS have come to a pretty pass since this late Spanish war,” cried an old veteran of the civil war as he glared balefully at a group of young soldiers who, dressed in Uncle Sam's newest uniform, were chatting patronizingly with a crowd of hero- worshipers. “It’s come to a pretty pass,” he repeated, pounding savagely with his cane, “when these young chaps, of whom the half never smelled gunpowder nor fought any- thing short 0° typhoid fever, hev come to lord- in’ it around here an’ there, to the utter ex- clusion of us old vets, who left our legs at Antietam and our arms at Cemetery bill. Not that I wish to disparage the glory of Dewey and Hobson and others of the real true blue like me; but these cock-o'- my-thumb whipper-snappers who are buncoin’ the public into believin’ that they are ‘it,’ they are the ones that give me a pain,” he snapped. And walking up to the bar he loudly ordered a whisky without water, swallowed it at one gulp, and with another contemptuous glance at the young soldiers he drew up his shoulders in true military style and stalked off like a major. THE UNKINDEST CUT OF ALL. “ Pierre Lorillard will cut New Vork and reside in London." —Daily paper. ovr butcher sometimes sends to us the cut that we expect, And dealers very often find their rate cut ; While Willie Waldorf Astor gives New York the cut direct, P, Lorillard quite injures us with straight cut. LENVOL. If it be with all his horses that L. has cut and run Where cockneys may ejaculate, ‘* Quid rides ?"— ‘This friendly tip we give to him with no intent to pun: Plugs rarely win tho’ they be semper fides. CHEERING HER UP. Mrs. Longface—"\ heard you was under the weather, Mis’ Bird, so I thought I'd come in an’ cheer you up.” Mrs, Bird—"{ have been pretty sick for a few days.” Mrs. Longface—" The doctor don’t think you are goin’ to git well, does he?” Mrs. Bird (growing pale)—" Why, yes; he says I will come out all right.” Mrs, Longface (shaking her head)—“ Well, so Mis’ 'Rastus Coe's doctor told her, and she was sick jest exactly as you be—but she died.” “Twenty dollars for that rug? Well, it's very good; but really T can spend a little more—say fi “Ab, sir, at fry. fifty I can show you a very fine antique. — —Here you are.” THE UNAVOIDABLE RESULT. HE clutched the air convulsively, Then, opening her hand, she gazed at it a moment and said, “ Now I've got to wash my hand again.” pened in Pittsburg. For this hap- VERY SIMILAR, Inpatient customeR—"' That barber has been over half an hour dyeing that fellow’s mustache.” Frienp—"* Yes, Barbers are much like rich relations—it seems as if they take longer to die when they know there's somebody waiting.” comicbooks.com