Judge — January 14, 1899 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THOSE HONORABLE SCARS. Oh, no; he isn’t beautiful. His nose is all awry, His lip is twisted awfully, He has a battered eye, His collar-bone is out of shape, He bears a stiffened kn His ears are sadly mangled, and He’s homely as can be. And yet he bears himself erect, Despite these eruel mars, For he’s a foot-ball centre, and 1 love him for his scars. —Cleveland Plaix: Dealer. \fter all the competition at the work's fair, Gok's Imperial Champagne took the gold med: al. It’s extra dry. \ywoman always has an idea that she can tell | one lie and then quit.—T'he only member of a farnily that economizes on coal is the one who pass for it —There is always mud on the pave- meat when a woman has on a new silk petticoat —\ll things come round to him who waits, but his hair gets thinner every day.—Chicago Rec- | stomach is deranged try the ¢ imported Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Isit- ters in wine or whisky before meals, The young people are very indignant be- cause the mother of a Hot Springs girl still cuts her meat.—When the women have at last succeeded in paying a church debt they feel that their incentive to higher life is gone.—Ar- nsaw Thomas Cat, The man who's always punctual Must soon learn how to wait, Because the man whom he's to meet Is usually late. It pays, though, to be punctual, For then you can look grim And tell your friend how much you are ‘Superior to him, Somerville Journal. PURE, REFRESHING, ANTISEPTIC. For all-round hygienic excellence no cleansing agent compares with Packer’s ‘Tar Soap. Men don't put on airs when they're together, as the women do, because they know that no | matter how much they may fool each other | they have to go home to their wives afterward. few York Press. THE CELEBRATED SOHMER HEADS THE LIST or THe HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. It in the favorite of the artists and the refined musical public. | SOHMER & CO., Piano Manufacturers \ New York Warerooms, SOHMER BUILDING FIFTH AVENUE, COR. 220 STREET. Whiskers Dyed ANatural Black by Buckingham’s Dye. Price 9 cents of all druggists or RP. Hall & Co., Nashua, N. Hl. *Lhear that Bullion has given up the id of building a five-h ument to himself.” be a waste of money. A five-cent cigar has just been named after him, so he feels that there can be no doubt about his being remembered.” —Cleveland Leader. Dr, Ball's Cough Syrap furnishes most aw | stantial comfort and reltel to consum | most remarkable cures. Don't despair, certainly be had ; a cure i fol remedy. So," said Mr. Donegan, It's a noice fix he'd be in if he hi been wan av these payple thot belay A hop-skip-and-jump feeling, the sort th | always follows a course of treatment where A bott s—The Original Angostura Kitters—is Prescription, T know a very modest man— So modest, be it said, He never passed a garden When the flowers were in bed. —Boston Budget. Y [made 13] nist Hi SINBSE A imap ie cowith best kangaroo lsoles areal Flint- Oak). Che same ‘sty J In. ‘Patent Calf, 28 Retief can possible with this wonder- they've been | printin’ the funeral notice av a'man thot wasn’t | dead yit. s iverv- thing in the newspapers."—Koxbury Gazette, jea ndred-thousand-dollar mo: * He decided that it wou! Ellen, has George come home from school yet?" called Mrs, Snaggs to her servant. ** Yes, ma'am,” came back the answer. ‘* Where is he?“ Thaven’t seen him.” ‘* How do you know, then, that he's home?” ‘* Because the cat's a-hidin’ under the dresser.""— Skowhegan Clarion, Md b-| Mr, Pinkie (ten p. m.)—" My dear, the doc- tor says a brisk walk before going to bed will insure sleep to insomnia sufferers like myself.” Mrs, Pinkie—"* Well, my dear, I will clear the room so you can walk. Please carry the baby with you."—New York Weekly. ad “He,” screamed the cross- roads orator, | “who puts his hand to the plow must not turn back." ‘* What's he to do when he gets to the end of the furrer?” asked the auditor in blue- | iat | green overalls. — 77t- Bits. b- } he | | ‘They had been ** keeping company” for eight | years. and when he finally proposed and was accepted in the ardor of his enthusiasm he ex- claimed, ** Darling, you are worth your weight With almost cruel facetiousness she replied, ‘* That is saying a good deal, for it was an awfal long wait.""—Richmond Dispatch, tone’! ea THE PLAZA HOTEL ; Fronting on Central Park. 9th St. and Fifth Ave., New York. A Leslie’s Weekly GRAPHOPHONE CLUB ___m. provides you with war $19.00 combina- tion for: $100 a week for 15 weeks. The most successfull antl satisfactory plan for instal!ment ever tried. Write now for full particulars. TRSLIB'S WEEKLY cagency Dept.) 110 Fifth Ave., New York. AGENTS WANTED. THE OLD MAID'S LAMENT. On a fine night in April he made me a eail; And betore we were seated— hall— He asked me so softly luis wifey to be in fact, in ‘the ‘That for once I was flustered, so ardent was he. With a glance that was catching, although quite demure, “T hate you," 1 murmured. gained’ sure, And [wished but to tease him; so, quick as the wind, “April fool!" T then shouted but a bind.” Excuse me, dear madam,” he said with a bow * My joke has the precedence, you must allow ; And when I proposed—as I did but just now. My point was ‘twas naught | "Twas an April-fool pleasantry also. | vow. —Harvard Lampoon. Cher a8 CRYSTAL, Yelinw as ASIBER, Mira 01 OLD WINE end as American at (he Unted States AQOODOLDALE. ‘ommy (about nine o'clock, halloween) — “Old Billus is the meanest man in this tow Joknny—" What's he bin doin'?” Tommy * You know that big garbage-box of his in the alley? He filled it with heavy stones, so it couldn't be upset.” Johnny—"* That was dog mean.” Tommy—An’ he covered the box with tar, Look at me, will you!"—Chicago Tribune, PRUDENTIAL CIBRALTAR The Sunshine of Famed favor is Poured w pape us Insurance Com; pany and fairly with its policy olden Che Prudential has established a reputation for Honesty and Fair Dealing. ORDINARY and INDUSTRIAL PROFIT-SHARING LIFE INSURANCE. $15 10 $50,000. Premiams payable Yearly, Bate Yearly, Quarterly, or Wi WRITE FOR PARTICULARS, } The Prudential Tusurance Zo. OF AMERICA. Jobn F. Dryden, Pres. Home Ofice, Net “What can you offer my daughter that equals or excels what she has now?’ demand- ed the old man. ‘* Well," replied: the younj man after a minute or two of thought, ‘I thinl the name of Martindale is an improvement upon that of Skraggs."—Chicago Post. "a will get more prompt attention and better service by mentioning Jupax when anaweriog advertisements, American or European Plan. 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