Judge — January 14, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

YOUR ONLY SAFETY. [F YOU'D make love to any girl, In policies invest. A fire-insurance one comes first ; With love she'd fire your breast ‘Gainst burglars you must next in- sure, She'll steal your heart—no joke: And lastly one ‘gainst accident, For she will leave you broke MC LAXDRLRGH WILSON A POOR WORKMAN. Mrs. Donovan (who has sewed the same buttons on her husband's coat four times)— “Begorra, Tim! th’ one thot made yure coat put th’ buttons on very bad indade. This is th’ fourth toime Oi've hod t’ sew thim on afther ‘im.” A FLORIDA BLIZZARD. SSG ADIE writes that they have been experiencing a . blizzard in Florida.” A FAINT POSSIBILITY. “ That's unique.” SALLAMAN (despondently)—"* Shure, an’ Oi've bin leading a dog's loife iver since Oi got married.” “Yes. She says they went RRIGAN (thoughtfully) —"* Perhaps yex wint to the wrong clerk, Callahan, an’ got a dog-license instid uv a marriage- around all of one day wading in snow-drifts up to their ankles.” licens: THE WISDOM OF THE ANCIENTS. MY GRANDMA A, the dear old soul! no owl e'er looked so wise As she, behind the spectacles that helped her kindly eyes. ‘The learning of antiquity was hers beyond a doubt, And in the form of apothegms she used to dole it out. One cannot quench a raging fire by heaping it with tow. Far in a day—brisk walkers they—do Fair and Softly go. ‘There's wanton waste in rubbing grease upon a fattened sow. It's thriftless folk who buy their milk and also keep a cow. Whose door is low, perforce must stoop when he'd pass out or in. A mazzled cat would never do where rats infest the bin. Viow not into the dust, or risk the chance your eyes you'll fill While in the valley one remains he never climbs the hill. The hasty man all day sat fishing in an empty pond, ‘The boy bedaubed with honey found the flies exceeding fond. ‘The flower must be left unplucked to get the fruit to eat. If brambles inthe path you plant be sure and shoe your feet. For thirty winters grandmamma has had no more to say. The boy she lectured is a man whose hair is turning gray. A tree has grown upon her grave a foot in thickness — Ah, . TM ne'er forget your homely saws, you wise old grand- |. At Aeris was strapped to the dog's back = __untit they came to a muddy crossing. mamma, JOHN GoADBY GREGORY, GOING TO THE (HORSELESS) FAIR. (With apologies to Rosa Bonheur.) comicbooks.com