Judge — January 7, 1899 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN “AFTER-TAKING” CELEBRITY. THEY have written for his photo For to publish in the papers. He is secretly elated, And his heart is cutting capers. No Dewey nor a Hobson Is our hero, you'll agree. "Neath his picture in the papers Reads, ** What healthine did for me.” w. &, COOK. A RURAL SHERLOCK HOLMES. ++GGENTLEMEN,” began the proprietor of the only hotel at Basswood cor- ners, “I've run this here institution for over thirty years. It's given me a first-rate chance to study human nater. An’ now, in some respects, I think I'm a sort of Sherlock Holmes. I've had married couples come here in all stages of their matrimonial careers, from the blushin’, cooin’ things that hain’t got the rice off of ‘em yet to the couples where the man lets the woman carry most of the baggage, an’ I tell ye, gentlemen, I can tell purty straight how long a couple has been married by watchin’ the husband get his wife a drink of water.” “Go ahead,” we said. “ What's your discovery?” “Well, when the tender young honeymooners come here, an’ the feller gets the bride a drink of water, if there’s any left in the glass after she gets through, why, he drinks it. If the couple has been married a year or so the feller will throw out the water that his wife leaves in the glass and get himself some fresh. Ain't that purty straight ?” - KUN DOWN BY IT. Pat—** Me woife complains thot Oi don’t be so attintive to her as foor marriage.” inqnatt7 Mike—"Whoi don’t yez tell | {| i 11] | her thot afther a man ‘s caught his Hiab WUT! trolley-car he shtops runnin’?” P| “ Yes, but it doesn't go far enough. How can you tell if they've been married several years?” : “ Very easy, very easy. Then the feller not only throws out the water his wife leaves, but rinses the glass out betore he gets any for himself.” #0. aooKs, EXPERIENTIA DOCET. E'S not the artist for success, Nor gains by the transaction, Who strives to give good likenesses Instead of satisfaction. HIS CONDITION. Askins—" How did young Pokelong take his rejection by Miss Brisk ?” Teller —Oh, he was as pa 1a Siasowtatis Ihe dim bina nen ye badly broken up as a compound —* Lsay, what is 1 sd s i I'm dished iT Leow, my boy. Lalways thought they weve alike two peas © ord is) alters, Stuttering cman Then let me correct you — Russell Sage makes his money hand over fist, while Sharkey makes his fist hand ets through with it. * Nora, when you want to clean windows sit on the window-sill—so; that’s And when Nora wanted to clean the windows inside she didn't know why right.” everybody in the street stopped and laughed. comicbooks.com