Judge — December 17, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

394 IT’S THE UNEXPECTED THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS. THE BACHELOR. HEE FEELS that the fates are mocking, ‘And that nothing can console, When he looks in his Christmas stocking And finds but the undarned hole. NEAREST HE COULD COME TO IT. Stranger —"\ say, my friend, have you seen a little dog around here with a tail about an inch or an inch and a half or two inches long ?” Resident —“ No, | haven't; but I saw a white dog yesterday with a black spot on him about as big as a dollar or a dollar and a half or two dollars.” A barrel at the depot. TRUST we may WE TWO VIEWS. be pardoned for ; suggesting that a camera Ss MONEY makes takes well as a Christmas the mare go,’ gift. TO CORRESPOND- ENTS ISS FLYRTE — The mitten is not consid- ered good form for a Christmas gift. Little Elsie— A cry- ing doll is not a suitable present for your grandmother. Deacon — Your pastor would like a cheque for a given number of dollars much better than a pair of carpet-slippers. Lover—If you are the right man your best girl would like nothing better than a ‘solitaire- diamond ring for a Christmas present. Jack Huggins—Your sister would probably not appreciate a package of cigarettes as a Christ mas present. Give her a seal-skin sacque. Freddy Yap—No; do not present your uncle with a bass-drum. He is much too old for such a toy if, as you say, he is fifty-seven years of age. Frugal wife—We do not think we would, if we were you, borrow the money from your husband with which to purchase a Christmas gift for him. Miss Gladhand—If your admirer is so obtuse as your letter would indicate we fear it would be of no avail to give him a hint as a Christmas gi $ Indulgent parent—We are afraid that your seven-year-old daughter would not approve as a Christmas present Matthew Henry's commentary on the bible. . Anxious nephew—We cannot approve of your suggestion to send a coffin as a present to your rich maiden aunt, even though you are her heir. She might misunderstand and revise her will, leaving you out. Boston man—If, as you say, your namesake is only one and one-half years old, it strikes us that he is a wifle too young to appreciate a pair of eye-glasses as a Christmas gift, even though he be a Boston child. Constant reader—For impecunious relatives it is much better to send as Christmas gifts such articles as flour, coal, sugar, tea and coffee, than faacifully bound picture-books or illuminated-mottoes which read, “ The Lord will provide.” said the merchant as he sat toiling at his down-town office. “ The mare makes the money go,” sadly remarked his son, sud- denly returning from the races. THE NEW SECTION BOSS, MISSIONARY UNCLE —"‘ Has mamma ever told you where you will go if you are a good boy?” WILLIr —"* Sure! she’s goin’ to take me to see Dewey — when he comes home.” CONJUGAL AFFECTION. sepyio ye be afther a-hearin’, Mrs. O'Sullivan, how Mrs. Ahearn and her husband wuz always at shtrife one wid another ?” “ Quarrelin’, be they, the creathures! Me and me Patsy, now look! _niver had a word of throuble since marriage. Oi shtruck him a good shtroke to- day, but ‘twor the safe part av the broom I gave him, the darlin’ !" PIGEON ENGLISH. SHE was a pretty girl and she was scolding Henry the Chi- naman for the limpness of her ascot tie. “ Do better next time. Klum again,” he said, smilingly; and then, leaning across the counter with a dangerously insin- uating manner, he added, “You must er kisser me, please ; er kisser me.” The Chinaman is wondering what sent the Melican lady shooting through the door in such palpable alarm, when he had simply asked her in his best English to ex- cuse him, “What ! git out after flour in dis yer weather? I done wish dat de good fairy would send us a barrel.” “'Gilong wid yer, yo" shaller pate “Dar itam! Dar it am! Glo shaller now? Wow! dis am hot an‘ no mis- take.” 1 Who comicbooks.com