Judge, 1898-11-19 · page 5 of 14
Judge — November 19, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Presidents as College Men"** mocks politicians' claims of education by punning that every U.S. president attended "the electoral college"—wordplay suggesting they owe their positions to voting mechanics, not genuine scholarship. **"Cause for Thanksgiving"** satirizes the brutality of American football by having a father thank God his son suffered "only" multiple fractures and wounds in a game, treating football injuries as casually as war casualties. **"The Same Old Drunk"** jokes about a repeat offender's misunderstanding of legal protections—he believes being the "same" person means double jeopardy prevents reconviction, displaying humorous ignorance of law. **"Knew What It Was"** plays on the Spanish-American War (Cuba reference). A veteran assumes another man's familiarity with looking down a Winchester rifle barrel means combat experience, but the man merely works in a gun store. The page also includes poetry and an illustration joke about a grandfather smoking in the parlor, humorously "proving" he's the maternal rather than paternal grandfather.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THEATRICALS IN THE FOREST. ‘The moose as Cyrano de Bergerac. PRESIDENTS AS COLLEGE MEN. +4] THINK it is worthy of note,” said Mr. Shaddock, “that every president of the United States has been a college man.” “Surely you are wrong,” replied Mr. Bittersweet. they were all college men.” “ Oh, yes; every one went through the electoral college.” "E never heard that CAUSE FOR THANKSGIVING. Minister—"Ab, Brother Prareful, are you offering thanks that your son returned safe and unhurt from the war?” Brother Prareful—"Tain't that, parson. I'm,,thankin’ the Lord ,that he didn’t git more'n two compound fractures, four scalp-wounds an’ seven- teen contoosions in;tereday's foot-ball game.” THE SAME OLD DRUNK. Jupce—* You were before me last. week and got off with a very,small fine. Now you are here again for the same offense.” Puxcitzox—"' Yes, judge ; but yer can't convict a.feller.twicesfer de same offense. Dis is de same ol’ drunk.” 5° gn% KNEW WHAT IT WAS. fon, 3 “MY FRIEND,” said the veteran, “.do you know what it is to look into the muz- + zle of a Winchester?” “Indeed 1 do,” replied the ‘stranger modestly. “ Shake!” said the veteran. “ Cuba?” “Oh,no. Iymup a gun-store down here in Peoria.” A QUANDARY. Lovins my friend and loving trath, By doubts and fears I'm torn in half, Because my friend has asked, in soath, That I should write his epi- taph. ROMERT GILBERT WELSH. THE ‘SEASON'S TRAV- ESTY. Mrs. Dorcas—" How is it, my poor man, you have no ‘Thanksgiving dinner this year?” Tattered Tom—“1 follered yer advice, mum. I wuz good dis year an’ didn’t.do nutpin’ yp git committed to de island.” VERY EVIDENT.” ‘Tommy—'*Is your grandpa,wbo is visiting: you your father’s papa or your.mother's. papa? papa’ Wiiiis—"* Why, he’s mother’s papa, of, ourse, -Can't you see he's smoking his pipe,in, the, parlor?” comicbooks.com