Judge, 1898-10-15 · page 10 of 16
Judge — October 15, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of the era: **"An Old Joke with a New Ending"** retells a classic anecdote about a country clergyman asking a street urchin for directions, adapted to mock social pretension. A man named Robinson uses the same "I wish I had as many dollars as I know [you]" quip to insult Johnson in public—suggesting Johnson is a known debtor or disreputable character. The joke critiques both the awkwardness of social introductions and financial irresponsibility. **"True Witnesses"** is a brief domestic humor piece about a wife attributing clothesline theft to tramps because "they have taken everything but the towels"—implying tramps wouldn't steal towels, a joke about practical thieves' priorities. **"What a Change a Hair-Cut Will Make"** contrasts a wild, unkempt man entering a barber shop with a respectable, docile-looking man leaving—satirizing how appearance transforms social perception. The other pieces ("In a Terrible Fix," "Some Surging Thoughts") are brief comedic vignettes typical of Judge's miscellaneous humor format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OLD JOKE WITH A NEW ENDING. IN ANCIENT but always enjoyable anec- dote is that of the venerable country clergyman who was visiting New York during the centennial year, On Broad- way he accosted a hurrying urchin, “My son,” said he, “do you know where Trinity church is?” wish I had as many dollars as I know,” replied the boy, rushing off. Now the other day at a reception a lady and her gallant, who sought to be even more, were making the rounds of the drawing-room. She metaman she . knew and they spoke cordially. The gallant arriving, she said to the newly- met friend by way of introduction, “* Mr. Robinson, you know Mr. Johnson?” “IT wish I had as many dollars as 1 know Johnson,” Robinson said grimly, and then the interview was interrupted by another lady. The first lady and the gallant Johnson passed on, Her cheeks were red and pale by turns. When they had reached comparative seclusion she said, “T think it was nasty for Mr. Robinson to dun you that way in public. Why don’t you pay your TRUE WITNESSES. Mrs. Farssipg —‘* Joshua, the tramps have robbed our clothes-line again.” Josnva—" How do yer know it’s tramps?” debts, anyway ?” ‘Mrs. FAxmsiDE —'* Because they have taken everything but the towels.” Johnson wondered for many minutes. whethér IN A TERRIBLE FIX. ort But YOUNG AND BASHFUL ADMIRER —"‘ If she should turn round and say to me that she loves me as she does that doll, what would I say?” BARBER SHOP J Robinson had not given the coup de grace to his aspirations, and was in doubt as to whether a gallant was not all he would ever be so far as this fair lady was concerned. SOME SURGING THOUGHTS. HE orchard tree is hanging With apples rosy red ; The golf-ball ’s blithely banging “The bullock on the head. The thistle-down 's flip-Aapping ‘Along the sombre hill: The agile squirrel 's tapping The acorn with a will. The farmer swiftly dirkles The piglet through and through ; The rabbit coyly circles Within the spicy stew. The pumpkin 's ripe and tawny, Ice-cream is on the slump, And like the painted Pawnee I caracole and jump. Of joy I know a good pile— ‘The cellar 's full of hams, And to the coal the wood-pile, ‘Smile-arabesqued, salaams. BX MUMETFTRICK. WHAT A CHANGE A HAIR-CUT WILL MAKE! ** He went in like a lion and—— —— came out like a lamb.” comicbooks.com